Thank you, VG. Your comment, "You will absolutely have a happy a fulfilling life," renewed my hope.
I spoke with my MIL today. She has been good. I told her I was having a hard time and she told me she went through the same when her M ended. She said even to this day she remembers the special dates (b-day, anniversaries) and she's been divorced for 26 years. Then she switched to more cheerful topics.
My H probably spent his bday stuck inside w his buddy from work and other people who live close by--all the roads are closed. My mom told me some woman posted a video saying happy birthday to him and flirtatious stuff about going to see a movie together. Whatever. Maybe my mom should unfriend him too.
I started to write the D book. What kinds of things would you want to see? I'm focusing on how to emotionally handle a separation/divorce. Anything else?
Tori, Awesome that you are starting your book! What about addressing OW/OM & how to deal w the emotions that brings out? You have a lot of personal background w that and so many of us here.
Even though every person's journey is different it is helpful to some of us to know statistics about R's that survive from infidelity, MLC, from WAS's in general.
And, what about the main reasons people have R difficulty in the first place? Or, is there a difference between men and women handling S/D emotionally?
Would you include a section about kids?
Definitely ask her mom to unfriend your H or at least not to share w you anything she sees pertaining to him. You don't need that.
I agree that you are going to have an amazing R in your future!
M- 18 T-21 S-14,11 & 10 BD 6-18-2012 (OW-EA) H moved out 11-3-2012 10-5-13 Me- I want a divorce. I want to move on w my life. 11-25-13 Jointly filed.
I started to write the D book. What kinds of things would you want to see? I'm focusing on how to emotionally handle a separation/divorce. Anything else?
The entire journey the LBS goes through. The importance of owning up to your part in the failure of the R, and making yourself a better person/spouse. The importance of allowing enough time to ensure "No stone was left unturned" in an effort to save the Marriage so that you can move on with as few regrets as possible if/when it comes to that. How there can always be hope. How the LBS does actually have some power and control.
Oh, and I'm assuming that all of us in your thread will be receiving a signed copy. I'll take mine with a lipstick kiss planted on it too, please!
M: A really long time. Crisis: 5 years. She's still worth it.
Life is never made unbearable by circumstances, but only by lack of meaning and purpose. -Viktor Frankl
I agree with all the FY suggested ( I can have a smiley face after the signature instead of the lipstick kiss ). Also what about something on letting go of control and being owners of our own feelings. That we can choose how to respond and not react ?
Good on you Tori!
TPS Me: 44 H: 42 M14 T17 S10 D7 10/10 H moves out after death of his father-same month 21/04/12 H is 'DONE' 04/05/12 OW/PA confirmed (rumors from 2010) July '14 H ends affair May '15 H moves back home
Tori, keep in mind, it is possible that he is simply a functioning psychotic, something like a narcissist. Sort of like a person being a functioning alcoholic. If so, you will probably never get a clinical diagnosis, but you will also *never* (with a rational brain) be able to understand his motive or thought process. You will drive yourself crazy trying.
You have been through so much the past few days and seem to be doing a great deal of grieving and letting go. (((((((((((((((((((((( )))))))))))))))))))))
It is hard to remember..but the TRUTH is that you have been and are still doing the work to be a better you and that this WILL pay off as you move forward. from reading your posts, i too believe that you will find great happiness and love.
and i love the book idea.
Me(f): 51 W: 41 DP:8 M:3 T:10 "W not happy" 7/11 D final: 8/13
FY, and Busting, great feedback for the book! Thank you. I'm actually excited about it. I feel as though I'm meant to write it, and I think it'll help others and myself.
I'm less sad today, but have thought about my H most of the day (will include a chapter about this in the book!) He never thanked me for the present I gave him for his bday. Next week I'll send him the L's agreement. He won't be thanking me for that either :-)
Crazyville, I'm pretty sure my H has a dopamine imbalance in his brain. I once told him that--bad idea. But it really matches the profile: impulsiveness, inability to be calm and satisfied, easily distracted, restless, agitated, lack of remorse for immoral behaviors, trouble sleeping. At least I know he has ADHD, so maybe that's what it is. Who knows. Maybe he's just another WAS. I love him (still do) and that's why it's so hard to receive such poor treatment from him. But I will detach from his behavior (another chapter of my book.)
Grace, you're so sweet. Thank you!!
All: you can definitely get a signed copy of the book, and even a lipstick kiss and smiley face on the first page (FY, you're funny :-)
Just continue writing down those chapter idea's. I can't wait to read the finished book. Hopefully, I can share it with my W by then, lipstick and all!
Originally Posted By: tori2012
He never thanked me for the present I gave him for his bday.
I know the feeling. On the one year anniversary of her Mom's death, I left W a card and candle. She opened the card, never mentioned a word about it, and has not touched the candle. Did anyone else remember the day for her? I doubt it.
I never said a word about it, and you shouldn't either.
M: A really long time. Crisis: 5 years. She's still worth it.
Life is never made unbearable by circumstances, but only by lack of meaning and purpose. -Viktor Frankl
