Done a fair bit of research on menopause these last few days...which did'nt really help as if anything the things I read made me feel worse....I could summarise it as MLC/WAW + menopause is a complete write off for any chance of saving the M. But thats the internet for you :)so I will leave well alone at the moment. But at least I have a better understanding of what W is going through.

So back to my work. I have been thinking about myself and identified other things I would like to improve. I would like to be more decisive. I would not say I am on the extreme of indecisiveness but it is definately an area I could work on. Could anyone suggest any good material on this?

I also still need to up my Alpha male qualities which is linked with the above.

Thinking about religion alot lately too. I have never been overly religious but I have found myself praying at night time occasionally. I have never actually read the bible and thought now would be as good a time as any.

I took stock of my 180's and they are all routine now. I am still struggling on the love languages with W (not even got started properly!) and my goal of me, W and S spending time together still feels like miles away.

Good day with S today, horse riding, went to feed the ducks and then swimming. There are a couple of single mums I talk to at swimming now which is good for my self esteem...especially with my new body smile. I am practising with flirting which is something I am so out of practice on it is embarrising.

Then took S to see my parents for dinner which was nice. S is getting v clingy at the moment and wants to hug me a lot...which is nice but worries me that there maybe insecurities on his part. He does'nt have speech so I wonder what must be going through his head. I keep the weekends as fun as possible for me and when I go to pick him up from W he always grabs my hand and takes me to the front door.

Dating has popped into my head from reading other peoples sitchs here. I know I am not ready and if anything the thought of being with someone else and all that goes with it is not something I see myself doing for a long time. But casual dating for company, is there a time when this becomes part of GAL?

Generally I feel good, still having ups and downs but certainly more ups. Still need to get OM out of my head as it is like a dark cloud that pops into my mind when I least expect it. This tells me I am still not detached as presumably it would not bother me if I were.

It is W birthday on 20 Feb. I am thinking of getting her a little something from me as well as something from S. Does anyone see a problem with this and suggestions on what type of gift and card?

Also, I had decided not to bother with Valentines day. Just looking for some validation that this is the right thing to do.

Thanks all and take care