Yes, I see a pattern too. They were emotionally stunted as children and they do not know how to show the "real selves" to anyone. Yes, they do provide the lip service about loving us and being their better halves, but it's generally "surface love", not the deep love that people share. It's unfortunate that they were emotionally stunted because they have never really known how to express themselves and what they could have enjoyed being in a far deeper relationship. Hopefully during mlc they will peel enough of their selves away to heal and grow up and become mature individuals who can then better share of themselves and not be afraid of exposing themselves to others. BTW, my xh was very much like your h too in not sharing a very deep emotional bond.

I'm sorry about your sil. I will keep her in my thoughts and prayers. It's not easy on anyone who is fighting cancer. I do hope that they can find some meds that will help her.

You are doing great and I'm so glad you are showing him a calm, peaceful and positive person. I think you did beautifully when he came to get the children. It will give him something to think about.

Please take care of yourself.

Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to.
The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.