Awww, NLW, I'm sorry. I know those words hurt a lot. I wish that all of us understood better from where these statements come from. My H, when he left me, said some ugly, ugly things. Why? Well, in some ways, I think he really believed what he was saying. In some ways, it helped him justify his actions. This is when we need to get REAL honest with ourselves.
Have you been mean to your H? If so, then it's a valid argument and something you need to work on. Beating yourself up about it, though, will actually prevent you from working on it. It will make things worse.
Have you been nice to your H? Then, we are talking about a man who needs to spew simply for the sake of justifying his own bad actions. In that case? The words aren't even valid.
My H came home and apologized for MOST of the things that he said. I was too stupid during the time of my separation to be able to make a distinction between valid and invalid arguments. I just allowed myself to be wagged around by my H's words. This is why it is so very important that we keep journals and we have deep introspection. We must know ourselves and be prepared to be brutally honest about our actions.
If someone told you that you were ugly because of the big giant zit that you have on your nose, would you be upset? Probably not because, assuming you don't have a big zit on your nose, their statement is untrue. So the question for you becomes, are you being mean or are you not being mean? I think you are telling us no.
I also think it is very important we truly understand why we are upset. I'm not so sure you are hurt because he is calling you mean. I think you are upset because his mental state still is out of touch with reality and so long as it remains that way, you will not be closer to reconciliation. I believe, ultimately, THAT is the source of your hurt. And if it is? Then we have to have a whole other conversation. But first things first, have a little meeting with yourself.
