Ok, I'm 3 hours into my first night without my kids...and I am ok!! I'm excited by the time I have to just do whatever I want. You need to figure out who you are as an individual. Not a wife or mOther. I know for me, I really lost who I was once we started having kids. I pretty much never took off my mom hat, so our R suffered as a result. I suffered. We need to be whole people who join a R, not this 2 become 1 thing. I really would suggest letting go. I even simply packed the kids bags & didn't explain where everything was. Here's the bags. As another person with control issues, it has been really freeing for me. Scary, but good. I use to actually be carefree once...

As far as the hug thing, I believe it's ok when he asks and/or initiates a hug. That's not pursuing. It's what I'm doing. But my H pretty much hugs & kisses me hello & goodbye now. I don't expect or wait for it, cause it can always change.

M: 9 yrs
T: 13 yrs
H:34 Me:35, S4, D2, S 7 months
Dday 11/12-PA & multiple PAs
Dbing 12/12
S 1/13
7/13 H moved back in basement.
8/13 #3 born
10/13 still cheating
10/13 He moves across country, I file for D