@ 2 - The jeep really is. It's hard to know what the truth is... if I was okay with hand me down cars because of how xw felt or because I truly didn't mind putting her first most of the time.
I'm sure it somewhere in the middle.
It's such a scary feeling for me because 2 yrs ago pre BD, there was no way I could support myself without x's financial support.
There are definitely days when I am fearful that I will be return to that.. but I just have to have faith.. in myself, my work, and others.
@ Bklyn Thanks girl! I'm not a fortune tell either but I believe that too. As for forgiving myself.. I think I'm there for the most part.
Weirdest thing today that I MUST journal about.
I'm shooting a movie in an apartment that my x and I looked into renting 4 years ago. What are the chances?
The crazy thing is that the lack of feelings I have about it. Wasn't upset, no crying.. What the he!! is happening here???
Just all feels surreal. Oh - I also joined an online dating website.. but that's another journal entry all in itself.
M(f): 40 D'ed: 8/12
Show empathy when there's pain. Show grace when warranted. Kindness in the midst of anger. Faith in the face of fear.
