It's been nearly five weeks since I've seen my wife. I haven't talked to her in several weeks, been nearly a week since we exchanged texts. She filed 9 days after the BD. She's changed her name already on her Internet accounts. She has dating profiles on websites. Now that I'm moved out of our old place, I have more time to dwell on things and regrets.
Today, her paralegal called to set up an appointment to talk about the settlement. We don't have many assets, so we're doing this without lawyers. In fact, she has very few assets that she brought to the marriage and is taking few with her on the way out. I guess that's how badly she wants me out of her life.
I didn't think the appointment to discuss the settlement would bother me as much as it does. It'll be the first time I see her since she walked out. I wonder if she'll notice all the weight I've dropped. I'm going to do my hardest to follow the DB principles and act as-if. It's just so damn hard. I never thought we would be at this point.
At one point, before I found DB and was trying to plead/reason/etc., she said this is the way she feels now and she doesn't know how she'll feel in a month or two months, but I really fear her resolve is growing stronger. In my state, it becomes final when you go before the court 6 months after the file, and I'm really dreading that date. So many other people here have been S for months and still haven't filed, but it feels like she is really rushing this through.
I've lost so much weight my wedding band fits again, so I've started wearing it again. I plan to wear it until that day the court says we are longer married. I wonder if she will notice and what she will think of it.
