LIS, do you have the option of making him put his money where his mouth is? Figuratively, of course. It actually helps that you don't have kids because they aren't complicating life's decisions. Say, for example, you can't stand that he continues interacting with this other woman. Could you insist that he move and get a job elsewhere and never speak to her again? I'm not sure that would be applicable to anything, but at least it's a reasonable and viable solution. It's tangible, measurable and significant. I'm looking for something in which he's the one that has to invest, and significantly.
For me, when I was having so many problems with his kids and his ex, I couldn't very well demand that we move away and he never speak to any of them again. So here I am, 19 years later, still dealing with the ex BS.
I'm not trying to put you on the spot. It's the same thing I do for my own sitch. Is there *anything* they could do to get us over the hurdle? Obviously, bringing home a bouquet of flowers isn't going to offset the lying of the past, nor convince us that they will be honest in the future? I don't know that there is anything? Is it perhaps just a dead horse?
And I get the forgiveness thing. Forgiveness only changes how *you* feel about a past offense. It doesn't change *their* behavior, and it doesn't make you trust that they won't do it again. I, personally, am not interested in a R where there is no trust. Forgiveness doesn't change that.
