What is she fearful of? What is she thinking. Very hard to tell you that. I can give you my perspective of what I was going through in my mind...
My H was on me to reconcile for about 9 months. For me? It was a decision about morality more than anything. In addition to this site, I belonged to another site which is Christian based and they preached about the morality of reconciling your marriage. I felt a whole lot of guilt. So one day, I just pulled off the bandaid and told him I would try. I didn't want to try. Not even a little bit. Inside? I wanted to be gone because he had hurt me so badly the first time I honestly didn't think I could deal with another round of it. I know I have said you should roll the dice with the person you already know. But that wasn't going through my mind at the time. What was going through my mind is 1) This man has a history of hurting me and he'll do it again 2) I found at least some happiness after this mess so why do I want to go backwards?
I had developed a detachment to my H after he left me. For a long time, I thought I was the best darn DB'er out there. Not hardly! I didn't really develop detachment so much as distrust, resentment and a whole lot of other toxic emotions. That's very difficult to put away.
I went back in a way because I gave up.
This is not going to be a straight line, Crimson. I know you have been through so much and I don't want to hurt you. She might be making the turn but she's still in a lot of pain. She's still traumatized by the pain she's already gone through. It all comes full circle and she's almost like she was in the days she first left you. She's watching and waiting for you to screw up. But you continue to do what you are doing. You be present. You show her that you are willing to fight for her. You remain stable even when things look bad. You keep it joyful and happy. These are the things that will best increase your odds of keeping you in the game.
And Crimson? You could do everything perfectly and still lose this thing. I don't want you to use that as a reason to beat yourself up and shoot at yourself. I have seen over and over again some really impressive people here who ended up losing their marriage in the end. But they found themselves. They truly did learn their lessons and correct their issues. So you keep talking it out. You keep coming here and saying whatever crosses your mind. That's how we continue to discover ourselves. And that's a huge gift in and of itself.
