SS, I can totally relate to the issues with the loving gestures. It's the "once bitten, twice shy" scenario. The worst part of it is that not only was it painful getting bit the first time, but your H doesn't even remember biting you and criticizes you for not putting your hand out again. For me, it's really hard to believe that he's "sorry" for chomping on you when he doesn't even remember it.
I have similar issues. One is my hobby of gardening. When we were first M'd, I asked H to join me. You would have thought I asked him to lick a dirty diaper. After about 8 years of this reaction, I stopped asking and developed a personal interest that didn't include him. In fact, it excluded him. I like the peace and quiet. I like the relaxation of not having to explain everything to him. I'm pretty knowledgeable now, whereas my H doesn't know any more than he did 20 years ago. Having him help me at this point would be like having the neighbor's 2yo help. Not a pleasure for me. Well now H is torqued that he can't do that anymore, but only because he can't think of anything current. Sorry, BTDT, not interested in opening that wound again.
