ILYBINILWY

[Soul.Searching]

I now believe it's up to us to show people how to love us. Through communicating our needs, by setting boundaries and being authentic to ourselves. I don't think we have the right to try to control or manipulate them or the situation. If they can't love us the way we need to be loved, we either have to accept that or move on.

My H told me I didn't make him feel loved and w
Wanted anymore, so I asked him for examples. I got
1: you could write me little notes and put them with my lunch.
Umm, sorry but I used to do that until one day, he didn't see it, it fell out, his friends from work seen it and they laughed at him. I got abused for it, so I stopped.
2: you could call me sometimes when I'm at work, just to say hello,
Yeah, been there, done that, got abused and stopped.
3: well you could send me a text here and there saying you love me.
Wow, remember when **** looked at your phone and seen that text, who got abused for it?
There was more but It was the same pattern.
Been there, done that, got abused and stopped.

In summary, every example he could give me to make him feel more wanted, I'd done, been abused for it and stopped. So he wanted me to keep doing these things for him, even after him yelling and banging around?

The thing was, most of these things I'd stopped doing like five or six years ago. He may have just grown and changed since then and that's fine but it wasent communicated to me, until after he had already given up hope. Had he communicated earlier,.....

Relationships should be about control, manipulation and tit for tat. IMHO ( Which I have to add, is changing rapidly ATM) if your communicating, being open and honest, setting healthy boundries, being authentic to yourself and are open for compromise there's not much more you can do, except decide if your willing to accept it or not.