SM, my sitch is similar. I was willing to continue to live with H while he was opening seeing OW and working on the points in our M he had problems with. I still agree with those. They are valid. After he ended it with OW, he wanted to move forward with the M while still being FB friends with her & secretive with his phone. That was the moment I really looked at what I deserved! Do I want my M to work out, yes. But a new M in which I am also treated well. I spoke my boundaries knowing my H would choice to S. I had to stop trying to control the sitch.
It is painful to read your posts, because i get it. You want to save your M at all costs and you want to do it the "right" way. You come here asking if X + Y will equal saved married. I was too scared at first to state what I needed for fear he would move out and it would be over. Because I KNEW him moving out would be the end. When I finally said calmly what I needed to move forward with our R or we needed to S, I have finally admitted Several things to myself. 1. I don't have a crystal ball, I have no idea what will happen. I don't know what's best! 2. I'm important! I deserve to be treated respectfully. I achieve that by setting & sticking to boundaries. 3. I'm enough for one person, so act like it. 4. I can only change me!
Do I still think about how my actions effect H, of course. But the difference is that today, I think more about how my actions effect me.
I really hope this starts to sink in! You deserve to be romancing a W that is only with you, not in a competition. You are showing your wife how to treat you.
M: 9 yrs T: 13 yrs H:34 Me:35, S4, D2, S 7 months Dday 11/12-PA & multiple PAs Dbing 12/12 S 1/13 7/13 H moved back in basement. 8/13 #3 born 10/13 still cheating 10/13 He moves across country, I file for D
