Their actions absolutely betray their words and that was the final straw for me. But does my H love me? Yeah, I'm willing to lay down a lot of money on that bet.
See, this I simply can't rationalize. This isn't a matter of a child feeling like their parent doesn't love them because they disciplined them, when the parent has a larger perspective on things and is operating with a vision for the long term. This is an adult interacting with an adult. This sounds like what a woman says when she's been beaten nearly to death and still goes back to her husband. Maybe the issue is simply in our individual perspectives of the definition of "love." I see love as the action itself. If the action isn't forthcoming or appropriate, then I could care less what the person "feels." My H says the right things, so I know he gets the concept of what he's supposed to do, but then why doesn't he do it? Plus, the feeling of love is very compelling, and causes people to do things to their own detriment. People that love strongly will die for someone, give them a kidney, go into debt, etc. How is it that our H's love comes out so negatively? I can't rationalize lying to my H to cover my own arse, "because I love him so much." Yet H lies to me.
Which is harder, I wonder.... being in a failed M where you believe your H loves you or believes he doesn't?
Wow, you two hit me with something. Last summer my W exclaimed in a very empassioned statement that was anger filled and sad at the same time. I wanted to reconcile. I could not understand why W was so angry and treating me so mean. I said to her "But I love you and always have", she replied in a rage "You never showed me love!" Then she stormed off to her room and slamed the door. I really, really was at a loss. I really believed I was showing her. telling her. I did love her...still do. I would reconcile in a heartbeat. We did the 5 LL's earlier in the year but she refused to share with me what she wanted. I still don't know fully to be honest. I tried all 5 but maybe spread myself thin on all...I don't know. CV, I do agree that lying should never be acceptable. I have been married to one too. It is like a habit. So, all the times she said she loved me right to the end, I guess she was lying then too.
M17 yrs. me49 xW47 d15 d11
BD1-Jul/11(Affair found out) Therapy 9 months (tried 2) BD2- May/12(sep) Court Jul/13 - I got 50/50 Sold home - Aug/13 Court #2 - Dec/13 Court#3 - Apr/14 ... She lost again We settled.
