Left Behind Husband on the Left Coast: My Story

[VeryGrateful]

Now I'm trying to GAL, 180, and hope she changes her mind.

At the beginning of my sitch I was "hoping" my wife would change her mind. That was probably the natural reaction mindset for me at the beginning. I look at it very differently now and don't obsess about the outcome. Although reconcilation is what I ultimately want. Where I'm at now is realizing this is a long duration, I'll have a happy and fulfilling life regardless if we come back together or not, and W and I are completely starting over rebuilding our connections/relationship. If I focus on the outcome I might miss some positive steps forward. I believe I have experienced positive steps forward but they are small steps forward. This is a long journey of small steps and rebuilding for W and I. I have no expectations in the outcome.

I had been depressed and emotionally and physically absent for much of our marriage. We had a lot of external issues: money/jobs, sick/dying relatives, etc. No kids. She just had a major milestone birthday, so I think some of this may be MLC stuff.

You indicated you don't have much contact now so you do have time. Plenty of time to GAL. But also,time to think about how things are from your wife's perspective. Try to understand how things might have been from her view. She has probably said things to you that give an idea of her view. Be sympathetic and compassionate towards her view. But also understand your view of the relationship. On the limited occassions you do get together with her really listen to understand what she is saying. Pay attention. Don't think about what your response will be.

The funny thing is that I was planning on turning over a new leaf on the first, but I guess maybe it's too late?

You still can turn over a new leaf. More important than ever now. For yourself.

Anyway, I hope you guys can share some advice and encouragement. I'd do anything to get my wife back. How can the DB tactics work when you're already living in different locations and don't have kids to force the occasional contact?

The DB methods will work because you will be working on you. Making you a better you regardless of the outcome. Changing, improving, learning, growing for yourself. Your W will notice. Mine has, she has told me so. It just takes time.