EXPERIMENTING with physical touch with W

[SM34]

Mr Bond thank you for your awesome insight as usual. I have a few questions or comments:

Still too soon. It's only been one time. See if she returns any physical touch ON HER OWN and not a time when you initiate or ask for it.

When my W offered to give me a back rub and then rubbed my back for about 20 mins, is this not her initiating on her own? Or is it because I mentioned my back hurts and that is kind of a hint? I have said that before and got no response.

No one said anything about intimacy. You have to stop thinking in extremes and think more gray actions. Little things add up to big ones.

This was in reference to gabbysmom comment. She said why would you want to be intimate touch with W while she is seeing OM. I was clarifying that i dont want actual sex with W while seeing OM but I was doing the touch test that Laurie asked me to do and report back.

The thing is my W believes our M to have been sex starved. So, not touching her or showing some kind of affection is probably "more of the same" which I think is why Laurie wants to establish how much touch my W is willing to allow.

Another interesting point is one that 25 made a long time ago. Since W has asked how my vitamins are going, kind of hinting towards whether it has increased my libido, 25 said to be ready in case W ever wanted to "test the goods" so to speak. I guess if W ever thought of returning to the M, she would want need me to prove that this would no longer be an issue.

So you two still go out even though she's seeing another guy?

We really haven't been going out anywhere together since BD. I think we would all agree that their will be no working on the M until the A is over. Other sites like MB and MA advocate exposure tactics to bust of the A so it ends quickly.

Since we are following the DB way, and the methods of MWD, we like to pave the path home etc.. but I think at the same time it would be wise to employ some tactics to make the A as uncomfortable as possible, but using indirect tactics.

My MIL was a WAW from a emotionally and physically abusive marriage. Anyway, she is the one that told me that her A partner (who is still her husban now after 17 years) was very paranoid and had insecurities related to the chance of her leaving him like she did with her husband, and so any contact she had with H would start conflict. She is the one how suggested that I need to play on these insecurities that OM is sure to have. She said OM knows you have the stronger position because you have 14 years with her, you have a beautiful daughter, a house together, etc.. and he has nothing.

She is betting that OM is very insecure about this, and cannot stop himself from thinking that W will not be able to leave all of that for him. Which is why we think he messages her literally every 3 minutes the entire day, to where sometimes I sense it is getting irritating for W. I know she will feel he is clingy at some point.

So, to play on the insecurities, I am trying to involve her in some things I do. This show was a perfect idea. Theresea Caputo is W's favorite show on TV and she wouldn't miss the show for the world. Also, it is on a Saturday night, and W has spent ALL saturday nights with OM since BD.

So, I played it smart. I said "I am going to see the Thereasea Caputo show on Feb 9th, its a Saturday. Would you like to join me?".. wifes face lit up and she was SO excited that I had asked her to come along.

When I ordered the tickets, and scheduled MIL to keep D3 for the night, I also showed her I am capable of planning a night and executing, something she said I was not capable of during our M. AND, I forced her to tell OM she is going out to spend the evening with her H on a saturday night, and D3 will not be there to cramp our style. So MIL is sure that will play on OM's insecurities and create the conflict that we need to create within the A.

My W messages me throughout the day with nice mesages, asks how my day is going, if I have eaten etc... but when she is with OM nowadays she doesn't. We are wondering if he is putting some pressure on her to show him that she is over me.

So, although it is kind of lame to participate in this love triangle, and I don't intend on doing this indefinitely, I think it is smart to force them to confront the fact that I am in her life and she enjoys my company. I am having to face the fact that she enjoys OM's company, so why should he not have to do the same?

Mr Bond, what are your thoughts on this tactic? I know it is not really DBing necessarily, but DB says to do what works. And advice from a WAW suggests that this actually works to create friction. Your thoughts...