First of all, I would check your spelling when you're posting here. It's hard to understand sometimes and I'm assuming it's because you have autocorrect on.
Second, stop acting like a victim all the time. From your last post, she told you specifically what she didn't like about you, but you keep insisting that you have "no idea" why she's doing what she's doing.
"i know what the W did not like and I am trying to change that. my job for one, but it is that takes time."
What are you doing to change this?
"I know she did not like that she was able to walk over, she wanted me to take a stand against her, now that is what I have been and she doesn't respond."
How are you doing this now? And any way that's what she wanted you to do BEFORE. It doesn't help much when you do it now.
"I never gave her confrontation always did what i needed to do to keep her please, and she told me that she wanted confrontation and now i am be confrontational"
There's a difference between being "confrontational" and fighting. She wants you to challenge her here and there and not always agree with her. What is your definition of confrontational?
"She does know what she wants."
Yes she does. You just haven't understood it.
"noted to myself do not look through pictures, now I know whay she did not take any"
What do you mean by this?
M-43 W-40 2D - 9 and 5
Emotion, yet peace. Ignorance, yet knowledge. Passion, yet serenity. Chaos, yet harmony. Death, yet a new life.
Sorry for the late responds Excuse the typos most times my mind moves faster then my fingers. Yes i have been acting like a victim here i would rather do it here then to her. I know she gave me reason why she left me, but they are so trite. I do not except them.
I have been working on changing myself, I have had many great discussion with my therapist about myself and why I was who I was. I am coming to terms with that and I am understanding that i must be in the here and now rather than the there and then. This inability to stand up for myself has been something i have deal with my whole life. But not anymore I am learn to feel that sinking feeling and reacting to it.
I have been looking for a new job send out numerous resumes and have been to five interviews.
I am concerned for her, she continues more and more cosmetic surgery, i am worried about her...
Sorry for the late responds Excuse the typos most times my mind moves faster then my fingers. Yes i have been acting like a victim here i would rather do it here then to her. I know she gave me reason why she left me, but they are so trite. I do not except them. You don't "accept" them? Who cares if you do? You think if you just "tell her" she is wrong, that helps HER or YOU? You do neither of you any good w/that "blame her" approach.
She has her reasons and she gave them to you. Your first post you dismissed her concerns and made her desire to leave all about how and why SHE was WRONG to want to leave. In your first post you dismissed her, which makes me wonder what you are hearing here. B/c we are telling you to work on the ONE person you can affect, YOU.
Labelling and blaming HER does not help your cause. It prevents you from growth. Here are a few of your comments at the start of this thread, when she said she was not happily married.
"I told her she's never happy." (means you need do nothing new or different. So the marriage will not be better or different, so why would she come home?)
"I told her she has an anxiety issue..."(Wow, that's a helpful comment). You know, 90% of married women who take anti depressants have h's who they describe as "critical" or 'non supportive".
I don't see much growth from then to now, b/c saying you think her reasons are "trite" means you STILL don't get it. THey are NOT trite. You still blame her for leaving and you act as if this is her being "crazy".
To me, That comment alone is so insulting and unsympathetic, shows how serious her concerns are.
I have been working on changing myself, I have had many great discussion with my therapist about myself and why I was who I was. I am coming to terms with that and I am understanding that i must be in the here and now rather than the there and then. Do you still think her concerns are "trite"? Not being a partner, but making her responsible for all choices and decisions was a "trite" complaint?
This inability to stand up for myself has been something i have deal with my whole life. But not anymore I am learn to feel that sinking feeling and reacting to it. being conflict avoidant is not a trait that saves you from conflict except in the very short run. On the contrary, It leads to deeper resentments and zero conflict resolution.
I have been looking for a new job send out numerous resumes and have been to five interviews. I am concerned for her, she continues more and more cosmetic surgery, i am worried about her...
Focus on YOU and YOUR work, not hers. Don't deflect from the work you must do on you. She has her life and she's trying to live it.
You would do well to do the same.
Here's the deal...your wife won't return to you, unless/until she believes that marriage to you, could be better/different than before.
How are you showing her that? Not TELLING her, but showing her?
M: 57 H: 60 M: 35 yrs S30,D28,D19 H off to Alaska 2006 Recon 7/07- 8/08 *2016* X = "ALASKA 2.0" GROUND HOG DAY I File D 10/16 OW DIV 2/26/2018 X marries OW 5/2016
I know, How do show change to someone who does not want to see me or communicate. Why is it that there is only one person who thinks I am intimidating and digusting and that one person is the one I love....
The "one" person, that knows you the best (other than yourself) , tells you what SHE needs from you in your marriage...
And you think she is trite ?????
I think you should really think about the things she told you, and take them to heart, and see if YOU would want that in a relationship...
The trick is...
To look within, make the changes that YOU want to make, and start living those changes. After time and consistent actions, she will want to seek you out.
Then, and ONLY then, will a reconciliation be possible.
And if that time never comes ???
Then you will be in a far better situation for yourself...
I am only suggesting trite because, her excuses changed as our time apart grow.. It was like she was grasping for answers when I asked why. We are going to mediation. I wrote to her and told her that I will not be asking for a divorce. She responded she would like a divorce. I feeel like. "responding that was the trouble with our marriage I always did what you liked. And lost site of my wants and needs". But that is probably not a good idea.
"I am only suggesting trite because, her excuses changed as our time apart grow.. It was like she was grasping for answers when I asked why."
The fact that she even gave you answers gives you a starting point. You have to be able to weed out the rubbish comments and see what she is really saying.
"We are going to mediation."
Who set it up?
"I wrote to her and told her that I will not be asking for a divorce. She responded she would like a divorce."
Then you tell her that she will have to do it on her own.
"I feeel like. "responding that was the trouble with our marriage I always did what you liked. And lost site of my wants and needs". But that is probably not a good idea."
Yes not a good idea. Start doing what YOU want to do and take charge of YOUR life.
M-43 W-40 2D - 9 and 5
Emotion, yet peace. Ignorance, yet knowledge. Passion, yet serenity. Chaos, yet harmony. Death, yet a new life.
I mentioned a mediator because she would not talk to me about the closing of our house, now all the proceeds are sitting in an escrow account. Useless to both of us. I wanted her to decide, her to pick one of she did. Thinking of one of her reasons of why she left me, and I quote " you need to be with Blonde haor blue eye girl who likes to go to the beach." I responded to that by saying I chose her I didn't choose someone like that."
I will let her do it our her own. I will go to mediator jsut to state to financial facts. I will no longer combine justice and vengeance.....
