Listen, give serious weight to going to H's apartment alternate weekends. Have some downtime, relax, find a new GAL, see a movie alone, go to a wine tasting, art show, play, theatre, opera etc. something so totally different. Attend a cycling or running seminar. It will be hard to leave babies at first, but guess what? Kids have two parents.
Right now you are stuck and kids are old enough to be accepting when you say, this is how it will go. Start with one night and maybe work up to two.
Will be setting schedule myself with H come April. I would also like some down time :))
Interestingly I am noticing that I am starting to become more focused and "in the moment" when I'm at work. I have more time between thougts of my sitch/m H. It is nice to feel a little more like myself at work.
At home is another story. While we ARE getting used to our new routine, it is very hard to be alone at night after boys go to sleep.
I hate the lonliness, yet I also am in a new place where I'm finding I don't feel like reaching out and talking to the people I've been confiding in.
I just have no new news and don't want to talk in circles about things I've already vented about. Although I notice my famliy and close friends have also been contacting me less.
My H has been acting COLD and INDIFFERENT towards me--more and more. I don't know if it is reaction to my less contact or presence or his general feelings towards me. Either way it sux.
I need to remember not to react to his coldness. Continue to be upbeat and positive at all turns.
I am still in day by day mode. But, my thoughts drift to the future sometimes. I can't see H CHOOSING to let OW go. Not at all. And, the more time that goes by the harder it is for me to see the possibility of us ever R.
Ahhhh, staying in the present.
M- 18 T-21 S-14,11 & 10 BD 6-18-2012 (OW-EA) H moved out 11-3-2012 10-5-13 Me- I want a divorce. I want to move on w my life. 11-25-13 Jointly filed.
I am still in day by day mode. But, my thoughts drift to the future sometimes. I can't see H CHOOSING to let OW go. Not at all. And, the more time that goes by the harder it is for me to see the possibility of us ever R.
GTO,
Remember that, although you can't see him giving up the OW, he will not be able to maintain the feeling he has with her forever. Sooner or later, the new car smell is gonna fade away and he's gonna be stuck with something less than what he thinks he has. Then she's not going to look so good to him anymore. It can also work the other way around, too. She may get tired of him and decide to pull the plug. The fact is that you indeed cannot tell the future. Keep your chin up, GTO! You definitely have something he likes. REFINE it!
PON- Thanks to the reference to your name. I have heard of this book, but not read it. I'll add it to my list. A New Earth..hmm.
Pathfinder, Thanks for the perspective that OW will not always look the same to H or vice versa. You are right that their R has to evolve at some point.
TOday- Interaction w H was better- still mostly about schedule/kids. But, we are getting a huge snowstorm tomorrow & I asked H point blank (nicely) if he was coming to snowplow us out or if he wasn't. He said right away he was planning to come.
Also, when he was leaving I asked him for a hug. Its been a little while (over a week?) since we've hugged.
He hugged me briefly and then said something about me hanging up on him the other night (like that's why he's been cold??)
Earlier this week ...After S9 talked to him on phone I was filling him in on some things & he just cut me off in the middle of a sentence, so I quickly said, "Well, I guess you're done talking to me. S11 will call you later. Click")
So after he mentioned me hanging up on him I gently let him know this was in response to him cutting me off. He said, "Yeah, I probably did that." I felt validated, but didn't feel good that I hadn't risen above to just not let his cutting me off bother me.
Not really a baby step, but feels better than H being cold.
M- 18 T-21 S-14,11 & 10 BD 6-18-2012 (OW-EA) H moved out 11-3-2012 10-5-13 Me- I want a divorce. I want to move on w my life. 11-25-13 Jointly filed.
Oh, the nights are killing me!! Glad your are getting better!
Oh, the coldness. H hasn't really been cold yet since S (week tomorrow) hugs me & kisses me hello & goodbye...but it's coming. It just will.
You are doing good. I'm giving you a big hug!!!
M: 9 yrs T: 13 yrs H:34 Me:35, S4, D2, S 7 months Dday 11/12-PA & multiple PAs Dbing 12/12 S 1/13 7/13 H moved back in basement. 8/13 #3 born 10/13 still cheating 10/13 He moves across country, I file for D
Ugh, I don't even know. We bundle it with our wedding anniversar that is a few days after. Awesome...
I'm doing cards from the kids at least.
M: 9 yrs T: 13 yrs H:34 Me:35, S4, D2, S 7 months Dday 11/12-PA & multiple PAs Dbing 12/12 S 1/13 7/13 H moved back in basement. 8/13 #3 born 10/13 still cheating 10/13 He moves across country, I file for D
I agree with Rick ^^^. Stop the pursuit. It will only make you feel worse when the rejection follows. Focus on you and not him. He isn't worth your emotional investment at the moment.
Me51 W53 S17 S14 M22 T25 Bomb-9/11; A-11/11; I move out 11/11
It's easy to find our bottom, it is our top that requires cultivation.
Every rough spot adds to our emotional constitution. -Barney Fife
