Just got home from work. I'm so glad to have you, guys. Thank you, Busting, longrun and GTO.
I'm definitely letting him go--for good. This killed whatever was left of hope/wishes to reconcile in the future. He's obviously lost, and he's seeking a self-esteem boost through sex with who knows who. The test was performed in early December, around the time he started calling me/texting me/ seeing me again, so I'm guessing he approached me bc he had just ended an affair with another woman. SO GROSS. All I feel is disgust. So yes, this was definitely meant for me to see.
This type of "coincidence" happened in the past. I'd asked God for a sign to know what to do (when he had moved back in after the A) and a couple of days later the OW emailed me w proof he had stayed in touch with her. A higher power is definitely guiding me. I'm not rejecting this guidance anymore. I'm out. And I don't know how, but I'll figure out a way to negotiate the alimony and all that stuff w/o spending a lot of time w him. Maybe we can do it over the phone? My L said it would be best if we agreed on something on our own (he charges $385/hr.)
What a day.
I want to go to the house (where he left all my letters, cards, and love presents to him, and my pictures) and taking all that stuff with me. Is that wrong? I don't think he deserves to keep any of that stuff. I don't want some random women to be going through the stuff I wrote for him with a kind of love he will never find again.
AND, I will continue praying for him, bc he's definitely a lost guy...but I'm taking control of my own life.
