So what I need opinions on - I think I should go back to more contact. But again, I don't want to give the message that I am ok with this living arrangement (not that I won't be ok, but that it's ok to pretend family when you want). Guess I just take the chance of getting my heart broke more. Or I could continue this less contact and let him get some of this stuff out of his system maybe.
I would continue the less contact. This all takes TIME. You cant measure the results by what his response is because mostly this is all so counterintutive. You may be getting MONSTER from him so that he can TEST your changes to see if they are real. When you cave and go back to the old behavior of CONTACT that reinforces the MONSTER behavior. Better to keep your boundaries in place and live through a little PAIN right now. Think of it as if he is 3 years old. If you tell a child not to touch the HOT stove and then yell at them if they try to do it, they will cry. Would you rather have the crying or the burnt hand?
