reforce on me

[littleGTO]

Thanks, PoN, vero, longrun and Tallula,

Interestingly I am noticing that I am starting to become more focused and "in the moment" when I'm at work. I have more time between thougts of my sitch/m H. It is nice to feel a little more like myself at work.

At home is another story. While we ARE getting used to our new routine, it is very hard to be alone at night after boys go to sleep.

I hate the lonliness, yet I also am in a new place where I'm finding I don't feel like reaching out and talking to the people I've been confiding in.

I just have no new news and don't want to talk in circles about things I've already vented about. Although I notice my famliy and close friends have also been contacting me less.

My H has been acting COLD and INDIFFERENT towards me--more and more. I don't know if it is reaction to my less contact or presence or his general feelings towards me. Either way it sux.

I need to remember not to react to his coldness. Continue to be upbeat and positive at all turns.

I am still in day by day mode. But, my thoughts drift to the future sometimes. I can't see H CHOOSING to let OW go. Not at all. And, the more time that goes by the harder it is for me to see the possibility of us ever R.

Ahhhh, staying in the present.