It sounds like he wants to keep me on hold...don't go and do anything or gal, that's my way, reserved for me! You stay we're I can find you when I feel like it, but don't put hopes in that. I don't not want you...I just don't want you to want me.
that sure was alot for him to say- and it was okay i'd think for you to have your say as well. i don't think i'm ever going to "tip my hand" and tell h anything about what i read or think or hismlc or anyting. i cannot imagine that it wouldn't come back to bit me on the butt. Anyway-
so- i know i always say it- and i know it's awful for you to hear- but it's got to be better than constant and continued silence forever and ever til you just die from lack of words.
(uh hem) that would be me. if this man talked bout one stinking feeling he had i'd faint- and that is no lie.
i'm afraid i'm so sick of trying to read between thelines- i don't even care what is going on in there - between them. either spell it out- or don't expectm e to guess any more. i'm tired to death of that-
SOOOO- I'M SAYIN, from my perspective - if he can be honest about how much he admires you (yay) and the good things about you (which i never ever hear except very rarely something non-committal like you lost weight & it looks good. never anything like what he feels in there or feels about me, NOTHING AT ALL.
MAYBE YOUR h is trying to establish contct and keep it- maybe it is keeping you in cold storage til he decides- maybe mine too- BUT - it's always been that to one extent or another hasn't it? imean- that seems to be a giant part of mlc- abusing the other guy and seeing if they leave you screaming or stay the course.
im not sure even why most of the time- our gut tells us to give it another shot, or hang in there for another day. i guess we're responding to o ur gut & heart like they're responding to their (what? brain would be too much to ask- gut? i honestly don't know. i know what i think my h is responding to - his - uh hem - you kn ow...
anyway- i'm glad your guy talks - i can't think anything heartfelt is bad to be putting out there- if it's sincere non-spew stuff -
i can see why you're tired- it's mentally exhausting to juggle this crap and try and figure and figure til you explode.
please do not explode today- chill and coddle you. just because. good luck deciphering whatevertheheck this all means - or doesn't mean. maybe put it rite out of your mind and leave the figuring to him.
sorry if that's disjointed and not too "wise" - good luck and see ya later.
xxoo - i would like to hear one time tht he doesn't want to lose me or want me out of his life. so far- he doesn't go or kick me out - but he doesn't say he would feel awful if i weren't here. last i heard - many many months ago "he cares a great deal" - geeeez buddy, can you f'ing spare it????
ohj well - as usual i'm here praying you get a miracle any minute now- let me go click my heels dorothy and see where i end up-
