Well thanks for the clarification. Didn't mean to pull the rug out from under you! I certainly don't want to put people off, but I can't say that I lose any sleep over it either. I try to operate my life in a very conscious manner, bordering on boring, or uptight even, because I simply don't do spontaneous well. So most things I do/say, I wouldn't change anyway, at least until I learn some new information and choose differently. I agree that even a strong message can be delivered in a compassionate way. But I also think that requires some personal skill, and not everyone has that. I've been known to fall short myself many times, in spite of my efforts to that end.
Was your mom commending you on your changes? Changes that result from a sitch like yours can go either way. Finding peace is a good sign of positive change.
It doesn't surprise me that your friends will change. The ones that don't were your only true friends anyway. Like people that hoard around people that have money, and when the money dries up, they disappear. Consider it a blessing in the long run.
Are you and your H actually fighting? Like verbally or physically? Or was this more of an internal "defend your turf" sort of thing? The contradiction in his words and actions is something I deal with my H, too. It is soooooo frustrating! It's like he can't connect the dots. I don't know if it's complete denial on their part, or if they just think we're blithering idiots and can't see it, or what it is. I completely get that everyone has their own perspective, but there are some truths in life that simply aren't subject to interpretation. I wish they couldn't talk, because for me, being a naturally trusting and compassionate person, I fall for H's BS, then kick myself later for being duped yet again. I feel like Charlie Brown with Lucy and the football.
I certainly don't want to put people off, but I can't say that I lose any sleep over it either. I try to operate my life in a very conscious manner, bordering on boring, or uptight even, because I simply don't do spontaneous well. So most things I do/say, I wouldn't change anyway, at least until I learn some new information and choose differently. I agree that even a strong message can be delivered in a compassionate way. But I also think that requires some personal skill, and not everyone has that. I've been known to fall short myself many times, in spite of my efforts to that end. 