Well color me shocked! Never, ever, ever saw you as a nail biter! CV, I like the confidence and competence. And you know, after thinking about it, I really really think I misspoke a bit yesterday. I'm not sure you turn people off so much as they think you are strong and can handle a stronger approach. And you say you can. But the truth is? Some of it is too strong and a bit hurtful. I know people are only trying to help but the packaging is sometimes even more important than the message. But at the end of the day? I still insist on you being you.
Yeah, the drama, at least at the level and intensity it has been at, is completely new. I am in unchartered waters for me as I am not used to fighting like this. It is VERY VERY different from when he left me. He stays at the house, I think to lay claim more than anything. I have been bouncing around. He still insists that he wants to reconcile but his behavior is more and more outrageous and completely contradicts his words. I have found that I stopped, at least, trying to control it so much or trying to figure it out so much. Meaning, I'm finding more and more peace. I can't make him be what he isn't. I can't make him feel what he doesn't. The only question for me is what am I willing to live with? My mom and I had a long talk last night and she said something to me that COMPLETELY shocked me. She said, that over the last 2 1/2 years, I have changed far more than my H. The things I want, the things I value are much different than what I've expressed before. It's something for me to think hard about. I have a lot of anger regarding the affair and have focused on that without really understanding that it goes far, far beyond that. She said that as long as I continue down the path I'm on (changed values and goals), I will find that a lot of people in my life will be changing, not just H. Kind of sad, but true. Anyway, a lot of soul searching. I look forward to the day when I find my bliss and none of this is so very very painful.
CV, I like the confidence and competence. And you know, after thinking about it, I really really think I misspoke a bit yesterday. I'm not sure you turn people off so much as they think you are strong and can handle a stronger approach. And you say you can. But the truth is? Some of it is too strong and a bit hurtful. I know people are only trying to help but the packaging is sometimes even more important than the message. But at the end of the day? I still insist on you being you. 