You want to debate Christian values with someone, I’m your girl, I’ll do it with you all day long. I will show you how YOU violated the vows first. How YOU continue to violate your vows. And how your W is actually NOT necessarily in violation. It offends me tremendously, as a Christian, how others misapply and misuse the scripture as a means for excusing their own bad behavior or for “damning” another because they are not doing what we want. Perfect example are the nuts who run around harassing homosexuals for the sake of the Bible while they themselves are lying, cheating and stealing (all against the 10 commandments UNLIKE homosexuality).
I like Galatians because it teaches us who we are supposed to be as a person. It is a guide for proper behavior in an orderly society:
Galatians 5:22-23 22 But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, forbearance, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, 23 gentleness and self-control. Against such things there is no law.
Love – you show little love to your wife. I see little concern for her welfare. I see a whole lot of pride on your part. I see a whole lot of hurt on your part, which you seem to think excuses you from the obligation of love. You are wrong, you are not excused (turn the other cheek). She is entitled to half of the money and she clearly needs that to support herself. If you loved her, if you had compassion for her, you would understand this.
Joy – obviously there is no joy in your interactions. Again, you think because of the nature of your situation, you are excused from this as well. Again, you are wrong.
Peace – Well, you aren’t supporting peace in the least as you continue to come on here, make passing comments about your bad behavior, while trashing your W. Please don’t tell me that you are peaceful with her. You create a bad environment when you are trashing her at all, anywhere.
Forbearance – “Tolerance and restraint in the face of provocation; patience.” Read that one carefully because you completely miss the boat on this one. You have shown NO tolerance of your W. You have made absolutely NO effort to understand or have any compassion for the hurt she feels, for the fear she probably feels, for what she has gone through. And patience? You clearly have none.
Kindness – I don’t know if it is the way you present yourself in writing or if this is truly what you are… but you DON’T present as a nice person. To merely suggest that your W is your enemy is horrifying. You are judgmental, nasty at times and very wrapped up in yourself. Based on what I see here, if I were a friend of your W’s, I would tell her to run far, far away. And Bruce? Take a poll on here and find out how many of the others say the same thing. There comes a time when we need to realize there isn’t something wrong with everyone else, there is something wrong with us. And listen, every single one of us has issues (I could go on for days and days about my own), but we do need to face them honestly and try to fix them.
Faithfulness – You show none to your W. And you didn’t in your marriage. Ignoring someone, as you admit you did, is not faithfulness. And coming here and trashing her is definitely not showing faithfulness.
Gentleness – Well, we beat this horse dead… gentle, you are not. Gentle implies that we have true and deep understanding of another. You don’t. You think you do, but you don’t. You still think that she’s in some sort of fog rather than someone who is in real pain. Sad, really.
Self-control – This is the one I wanted to get to! You have none. You have taken a lot of hits from the others. At times, I feel bad for you, but you are very hard headed and I know that everyone is so well-intentioned and trying to get you to understand. I know you are in tremendous pain. BUT you are not honest with yourself. You are so desperate for any attention from your W, for any interaction with your W, that I think you purposely go against the advice from others. In the case of you buying this house? I think it is another example of what I am saying. I sincerely believe the ONLY reason you brought this up right now is that you were trying to get a reaction from your W. Well, Bruce, you got one. But when our interactions lack authenticity, when we do things simply to get a reaction, we rarely get the response we want. In other words, provoking people will usually get a BAD response.
I have seen others (including a list of all stars) here give you outrageously good advice… I’m starting to feel bad for them as you largely ignore them. Your pride is clouding your judgment so badly, that you cannot see the way to the “truth.” You say you have Christian values? Then if I were you, I’d crack open that Bible and get ready to do a lot of reading. Open that Bible with the purpose of having God show YOU what you need to change. The Bible was not meant to damn others. In fact, those in the Bible who used it for that purpose were condemned horribly (Ex: Pharisees and Sadducees). The Bible is meant for us to change ourselves. Believe me, Bruce, I came on here with my “Christian values” and damned my H up and down because he violated our vows by leaving. It took a long time, a lot of reading and a lot of introspection to understand that it was ME who violated my vows long before he had. You need to humble yourself. Until you humble yourself, Bruce, the possibility of saving your marriage is exactly nil.
As far as getting shared custody with your son? I have a funny feeling that if you learn to follow the fruits of the spirit, that will become easier for you. At the end of the day, your W doesn’t control that situation, the courts do. And if they see fit? You will get the time with your son that you seek. But Bruce? If you present yourself in court, the way you present yourself here, you will not see a positive outcome. And, unfortunately, the courts would be right to make that decision for the sake of your son. Stop viewing everything as everyone else’s fault. Stop viewing yourself as having no control or as some sort of victim. You have control, it’s the way that you take that control that everyone takes issue with. Humble yourself. And FAST.
