I know his relationship with the boys is HIS responsibility, but I so desperately want them to have a great relationship. Beginning to realize it is not my job to orchestrate their relationship and they will probably end up being disillusioned.
You're right, it isn't your job to fix their relationship. Your job is to not damage it. In my case I was a facilitator to the R between my D's and their Dad. I didn't want to be in that role, but like you, I want them to have a great R.
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I hope I can find someone who will not mince words and tell him exactly what the repercussions for our boys will be if they discover he is lying, had an affair, and moved in across the street.
Why are you the one finding someone? If he is willing to get counseling, even if it's to deal with leaving, I would think he would be an active participant in finding.
There is a wide range of opinions about the damage or lack thereof that this causes kids. There are some good longitudinal studies that have been published. Again, what you find depends on what you're looking for.
