Retrouvaille

[cat04]

Fascinating! So have you read DR? How long ago?

Yes AS, I have read DR. And DB. And SSM as well as many other books.

I first read DB in 1998 and reconciled my M. I then read DB again in 2007, then DR and the others. I noticed differences and I have reread each book many times since then as one can always use a refresher in the lessons that are there. I have also reread my own threads to remember where and who I was and how far I have come and I reread others that I find helpful information in as well.

I have also read your threads and all of your posts to others, as I find it difficult to post to people without seeing their patterns, ideas, and experiences.

I don't simply SAY that I have read everything, I actually do it, so that if I choose to say something to someone, I know what I am talking about and know that it is fitting to where they are in their situation.

I also find it help me to understand why their S is acting and reacting in ways that they are.

I will tell you, and you can argue, or you can stop posting for a while because you will disagree with me, or you can tell me to stop posting to you (because that is your pattern), I understand where your W is coming from and as a woman, I can clearly see why she feels that way.

You can talk the talk and quote the book very well. However you definately don't walk the walk of a man who wants to reconcile his marriage.

You are seeking external validation from other women. Instead of being able to validate and like yourself.

You spout ideas that sound like you have read statistical information, however, if one actually researches the statistics, your generalizations are wrong in most instances.

You are completly ignoring the idea of "believe none of what they say and only half of what they do" and you take your W's words at face value if they fit in with an outcome that you really seem to want.

She is confused. She is scared. She is afraid of your reaction to things.

So instead of being compassionate and understanding, you tell her you are going to date.

Funny how you complain that she didn't validate and compliment you and build up YOUR self esteem and show you love, but WHAT HAVE YOU DONE FOR HER?

Oh wait, you stood for a few months. Then you went looking for companionship elsewhere. And you are ready to do it again already (even though you are COMMITTED to working on the M). I'm sure to her that appears as contradictory as it does to me and I highly doubt it makes her feel special or loved or cherished.

Have you bothered to learn what a woman wants and needs in a relationship from a man?

Have you bothered to try to become someone who your W won't have to walk on eggshells around and showed that to her consistantly over a long period of time?

Have you learned to like what you see when you look in the mirror, because you like that person, NOT because someone else likes that person?

I see someone who has a long way to go.

Good luck AS.

You are going to need it.