Making the MOST of where YOU are !

[AJM]

It's really hard that with XH I have to act completely opposite of who I am

Hi Kimmerz. Glad to see you're working through some of this. Silence does help, doesn't it?

But I have to ask, do you have to be somebody else? Or just somebody you don't want to be with him? I never recommend to anyone that they be somebody else. For you, the old pattern was to let your guard down with him. The new pattern is to not, due to circumstances.

Zen moment - when you can be you with everyone, you'll be done. Oddly, you are you at this moment. You're you acting like somebody else to protect yourself from the perceived threat.

But I wonder. Is he really a threat to you anymore? Was he really ever a threat to you, or was that your perception of how you needed to be based on his actions?

See, you have been hurt. Deeply. The natural reaction is to fight (or flight of course.) But he's not going to hurt you any longer. Only you can do that now. Him in the driveway too long - you getting "hurt" by that is your reaction. Right?

That's not really letting him be him. Instead, let it truly go. Maybe that's your next focus? To let that one thing go next? Being irritated by his actions is going to keep you stuck. You don't want to be stuck do you?

One thing at a time, let them go. Don't look around to see what's left. Just let them go as they come up. One at a time.

You are reaching a good place K. You're seeing glimpses of letting go of the anger and hurt. Don't stop now, girl!

Being guarded is not a problem. It is who you are. But it is not all you are. Not by a long shot. It's just a small piece of you and how you feel you need to be with somebody that hurt you. Now take it the next step and let go of those pieces. He can't do anything to hurt you anymore and your logical mind knows that.

Peace,
AJ