Snodderly, Tori and VG, thank you so much for your words of wisdom. You and this board are truly a blessing!

There will be no ultimatum. I didn't make it this far only to blow it now. What I'm starting to do is softly drop hints, or "truth darts", letting her know I don't intend to remain just a roommate with my wife forevermore. This is just the reality of things. Sure, I'll let my actions do most of the talking, but if a conversation takes the right bend, I'm not concealing this truth.

Regarding the touching, I've been very careful with this. Once or twice a month, when the time feels right, I approach her and scratch her head/brush her hair for a few minutes. She accepts it, and sometimes thanks me. One time, several months ago, after she complained about her sore feet (she's has foot issues) I massaged them for her... but I went a little too far, moving up her legs. She got uncomfortable and got up and left without saying a word. I won't make that mistake again!

The way I figure, if neither one of us initiates we'll never be back to contact. I just have to be perceptive, take it slow, and not scare her away. I may be the one initiating, but she's actually the one setting the pace... and she's still here. One of her complaints at BD was that I wasn't assertive enough... didn't take charge. I've been changing that.

I do need to step up the GAL... I think most of us do. I've looked into dance classes, but put it on hold because I'm trying to start up a Cardio Tae Kwon Do class at my workplace. It will probably be two nights a week, so with my other activities it's either this or dance. I'd rather run the TKD class, but our HR department has been dragging their feet on it. We'll see what happens.

Thanks again, and best wishes to all my fellow Divorce Busters!

M: A really long time.
Crisis: 5 years.
She's still worth it.

Life is never made unbearable by circumstances, but only by lack of meaning and purpose. -Viktor Frankl