lost,
Your post has been a real game-changer for me.

Thank you for your understanding but most of all thanks for pointing out the Jerry Springer factor that I'm being pulled into (or running full bore into, I should say).

This really hit home for me:
"Decline an appearance on their episode of Jerry Springer."

And yes, I want them to see that they are causing enormous hurt and destruction, especially to the kids. I keep needing to tell OW this.

But there is no point. You put it so well:
"they MUST remain blind in order to continue their behaviour."

Stbx was on the phone all day yesterday trying to drag me back into another round of drama over this. I did not answer.
He left voice mails, but as i can no longer afford to re-charge my phone, I can't access these.

I think he is stalking me now (could be stress-induced paranoia) but I came home from work for 30 mins to let the dogs out at around noon, and the phones started ringing within 2 mins of me walking in. Then he was at the door, bagging away to be let in.

I didn't answer, but eventually he came into the back yard where i had the dogs out and he found me trying to settle them (they had heard him at the front and were barking and scratching at the back door.

He then started on how appalling I was and dragged back through the whole OW in the car park thing. She had blown it up pretty much (it was really over in about 30 secs), but he was livid.

Kept on about me needing to agree to his settlement offer even said i should do it on the spot then and there i.e., "Are you willing to settle this or will you keep wanting financial information?" Me: "I want to settle this" Him: "OK, then Why not settle right here and now. Will you agree to my offer? Me: "Tha's what we are going to mediation to do." Him: "We can do it right now, outside of mediation" Me: "No we can't. We need third party professionals involved_ mediators and lawyers". Him: continues spew...
He ended up by saying the following, which is SO out of the bounds of reality, given that I mortgaged the house and lost all of my money trying to prop him up, let alone the fact that my parents supported him financially time and again (and that he took their trust fund money):

"I was suckered for so many years in our marriage".

After BD, he was routinely apologetic for his behaviour and said that none of it was my fault. he even admitted to me that he had "Shat everything away" when describing our current financial woes.
And now this. It beggars belief, but it is his reality now and that's what I have to deal with.