Sexless marriage. H Left. Now retrouvaille in 3wks

[AM2012]

I have a LoNG process ahead of me and I feel I can't sit in this holding pattern much longer. I need to move on with my life right now

[AM2012]

I realized I didn't really ask my full question. I want to know if I can go out and buy a house on my own or will he look at this as me wanting out of the relationship? He will do anything to point fingers at me. With DBing how far is to far meaning do I live my life assuming he's not in it? Or is that taken again as more rejection? Not sure if there is fine line or not.

[MrBond]

First of all and most important point of all. Start living YOUR life the way you want to live it. Stop worrying about how your H will see it. Once you start doing that, your self-esteem will dramatically improve. Once you get that independence back he might take a look at you again. But nothing will change until you start living your life FOR YOU.

[AM2012]

Thanks. I am a actually seeing 2 houses tomorrow night.

[AM2012]

I am feeling really hopeless. I keep thinking about retroV and all the amazing transformations I saw over the weekend and how I had none of that. How did everyone there "get" retroV but my h didn't? Why did it Make H more miserable? He actually came with me to the post session last week, but indicated he won't be coming next week.

I want my marriage to wok, but is there a point when you just give up? I feel so emotionally exhausted and I see no hope with him.

What do I o?

[Lampstand]

Have you been able to ask him why he doesn't like RV? He may have a legitimate reason that you are unaware of.

[AM2012]

He says its too religious nd doesn't think the whole " feelings" thing us relevant. I felt like I learned a lot about him during our dialogue sessions.

[Lampstand]

That doesn't surprise me. We went to Married Encounter and my H didn't really like it that much. It seemed to me he used it more as an opportunity to draw attention to himself rather than connect with me. It was almost like he didn't understand the point of why we were there and rather saw it as an opportunity to meet new people. He actually counted it as a "date" for us. No way, not in my mind.

If there's no sex at the end of the evening it ain't a date!!! LOL!!!!

[AnotherStander]

How did everyone there "get" retroV but my h didn't? Why did it Make H more miserable?

Not everyone here agrees with me, but personally I feel the timing must be right for RetroV to be effective. My W said that as recently as November that she would not have gone, and she also said that if I had found a way to drag her there that it would not have been one bit effective. My W simply wasn't interested in our M at that point. Some of the hosting couples reported a more miraculous turnaround, but it was clear to me that they were all quite religious beforehand and felt that RetroV made it clear to them that it was their "calling" to try to restore the M. My W is not religious and was not affected by the discussions saying it's God's will that spouses stay together. That just did not matter to her and it probably didn't matter to your H from what you said.

He actually came with me to the post session last week, but indicated he won't be coming next week.

I would let it go then. If he changes his mind he'll tell you. Don't say anything else about it to him, he'll just see it as you applying pressure.

I want my marriage to wok, but is there a point when you just give up?

It is NOT giving up. It is moving on. And the timeline varies. For some it comes right away after BD, for others it's weeks, months, years and in some cases it's never. But regardless, the WAS is the one who gave up, not the LBS. It's your choice when to stop standing and move on with your life.

[AM2012]

So I bought a house and I have possesion in 3 weeks. I bought the house entirely under my name, my savings etc, however since we are still legally married he round be entitled to half unless I get a legal document stating its mine.

H tells me the other day that he would like to definitely move in and even buy all the appliances. I have very mixed feelings. I definitely want him there, but he has not yet made commitment to me. Just 3 weeks ago after retro he was going to get his own place so not sure when all this changed. I assume out of fear and guilt. No clue.

Do you think that I should ask him for a commitment or something before allowing him to move in? If I do ask for that there is a very good chance that he will say he can't do this at this time as he needs to take it day by day and will get his own place at which a seperation agreement will need to be in place. Or do I let him move in and continue to take this day by day. Not sure what to do.