Oh, is this a counselor you had seen before together?
If so - H may just be reaching out to the counselor for his own symptoms. Or may be trying to convince the counselor why he "has" to leave the marriage. Or trying to prepare the counselor to counsel you when he leaves. Or whatever.
You're right though - if you've reached the point where nothing he could do would make you feel comfortable in the marriage again - then you're done. That's when I finally let go of my marriage (my H had already moved out a couple of months before) - once I realized that even if he came crawling back totally repentant, after two previous affairs and reconciliations, I would never ever be able to relax in that marriage again.
I find myself feeling guilty for being silent about the divorce til it's filed. He's the cheater and I feel guilty. Im worried about how he'll react and if he'll be mad, relieved or sad. I want to get it over with and I keep rehearsing what I'm going to say in my head. Anyone else struggle like this? My sister said to remember what he's done and not just the affair but think about the whole marriage. It's not all h for the marriage but I never felt like I was no 1 with him.
Rachael, I understand how you feel, but I can assure you, if he was doing the filing, he wouldn't feel one bit guilty about it. He most likely be teling folks about it. The difference between you and your h is that your moral compass is still intact as well as your empathy and compassion chips are still working properly.
Unless I am wrong, he's going to be relieved and yet angry too. He's not going to want to abide whatever is stated in the divorce paperwork, so prepare yourself for his anger and attitude.
It's time that Rachael spread her wings and fly a bit.
Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to. The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
Thanks snodderly I appreciate your advice very much. Some people in my family think i am being too nice and I should serve him at work but I have to live with myself and like people here said I should not lower myself . My attorney says to take the high ground and she says she has to be honest so she can sleep at night. Well me too. I want to be the better person. Still I am anxious and i still care about him. Thanks so much snodderly.
I also think you should take the higher ground. It doesn't cost you anything, and ultimately, you'll better about yourself. My L said that I should have my H come into the office and sign, in case he has any questions. Of course, my H knows, and yours does not.
Of course, you don't need to say anything to him. I imagine that all has been said and done, hence the D. Try not to worry too much, although I do understand.
Me:57 H:52 M:28 Got another lawyer last year and filed. D35,S/D twins28,D22 EA4/04 End? Who knows? "Life is like a mirror. Smile at it and it smiles back at you." — Peace Pilgrim
"Feel" better .... please bring back the edit button.
Me:57 H:52 M:28 Got another lawyer last year and filed. D35,S/D twins28,D22 EA4/04 End? Who knows? "Life is like a mirror. Smile at it and it smiles back at you." — Peace Pilgrim
Thanks bein me. The job I got helps me although I do get little anxiety bouts here and there. But I really like the job. It's only part time though and my attorney says I have to at least look for a full time job or check into school. Or show that I'm doing that. Good luck finding full time work in mi. Also I don't know that I want to go to school in my mid 50s get done in late 50s and hope to get a full time job. Thanks for your advice and support.
Hey, I'm at university, and I'm 55. It's something else that got me through the bad times, marriage/cancer, etc. My self esteem has improved a lot too. In my case, I want to write ... anything. I'm hoping to get a job as a copywriter, or do website content, and then continue with creative writing like poetry and my numerous novels, all incomplete, some just a page long with the outline.
How about registering for a 1 year diploma? At least, it's not a 4 year commitment, and it'll make you job ready quicker. Just a thought.
Keep up the positives.
Me:57 H:52 M:28 Got another lawyer last year and filed. D35,S/D twins28,D22 EA4/04 End? Who knows? "Life is like a mirror. Smile at it and it smiles back at you." — Peace Pilgrim
Well I have an associates in legal assisting (med Mal ) my daughter just got a degree in that and she can't find a job. It has changed a great deal in the 23 years I've been out so I would have to return to school. Thing is I was under deadlines and had to bring work home. I was in an office and not amongst people as much as I'd like. I am a social person. This job I have now is around lots of people and its actually been just what I needed. I used to work at a hospital and I liked that but I have no degree in medical. I did check into school a few months ago. Costs a lot and I was wondering about my marketability after. I will do some more research to see what I can do. It's tough in the state of Michigan . Thanks for your input!
- night school at the community college to pick up a specific skill that might be useful? Would also get you more "people" time
- use your social skills in a job with good tips - have you ever been a waitress? Some waitress jobs in upscale places can actually pay well.
- how wedded are you to living in Michigan? Would a move to a part of the country with a more vibrant economy (I hear San Antonio Tx is doing well) help you?
