No, not at all. I am becoming the man I want to be. I AM working towards making my changes a permanent part of me. I know all too well that I am not there. I'm still doing the work.
The part that I am having a hard time with is the wondering, stressing, worrying about wether my family will reunite. I know perfectly well that I will be okay no matter what. However, will my D be okay in a split home, will our friends still be okay with both of us? What about our families? What about our finances. Those are the things I am holding on to, not just for myself, for everyone involved. When I am detached to the point where those things don't affect my emotions, something is probably drastically wrong.
Well, for me personally, I start to worry about those things so I can feel some sort of control in a situation that I have no control in. For me, I have to stop. Take a look around, and focus on what is happening RIGHT NOW. You aren't D. That will come, when it comes. Easier said than done, I know. I keep flashing to, OMG, how am I going to turn a newborn over on weekends!!! That is 6 months away. It is not now. I have no idea what my life will be then. Or tomorrow. Or in 2 hours.
M: 9 yrs T: 13 yrs H:34 Me:35, S4, D2, S 7 months Dday 11/12-PA & multiple PAs Dbing 12/12 S 1/13 7/13 H moved back in basement. 8/13 #3 born 10/13 still cheating 10/13 He moves across country, I file for D
