Many triggers lately. They get me spiraling into negative thoughts.
Just to name a couple: What if W is still in communication with OM (she promised 4 months ago that all contact would be cut and we set up a transparency plan)and what would I do if I found out she was? Does she still feel the same now as she did 4 months ago when she said she was in this marriage 100%?
I'm confused, Cor -- is this hypothetical? She HAS agreed to no-contact, and you DO have a transparency plan in place . . . and this is just your brain running away on you?
I always encourage a THOROUGH transparency plan, with good intel at least one channel of which is NOT known by the formerly-cheating spouse. This gives you, the formerly betrayed spouse, the peace of mind necessary to quell your own doubts and begin to heal, and to begin reaching out to your wife again without fear.
Please tell me more about your no-contact (did she send OM a no-contact letter? Did you see it/deliver it?) And what is all included in your transparency plan, and what is your method for verifying no-contact?
Here's the thing: it's a physiological fact that people in affairs have their brains washed in PEAs (endorphines), and it's HIGHLY addictive. There is an actual chemical WITHDRAWAL phase they have to go thru (hard withdrawal usually takes 1-3 weeks, depending on the length an depth of the affair, and total withdrawal can take from 6-24 months). And the kicker?? ANY contact with their OM/OW . . . even NEGATIVE contact (say, talking krap about them with a girlfriend, or leaving the guy nasty notes on his FB page) . . . has the exact same effect on the brain, and that is to basically "re-set the withdrawal clock" to 0:00:00 again.
If she's still in contact with him, it's going to kill her desire to piece with you. If, however, it's just triggers and your own imagination, then more patience and grace is required on your part.
