Moving Forward

[BC39]

Many triggers lately. They get me spiraling into negative thoughts.

Just to name a couple:
What if W is still in communication with OM (she promised 4 months ago that all contact would be cut and we set up a transparency plan)and what would I do if I found out she was? Does she still feel the same now as she did 4 months ago when she said she was in this marriage 100%?

I think a lot of negative thinking stems from the fact that we haven't had a R talk since our Piecing really got started 4 months ago. Her actions are there but I feel like I need to be verbally reassured. I just don't know what she's thinking. However I don't want to bring it up in case I hear things I don't want to hear and I don't want to put any added pressure on her. If I had some sense of security I feel I wouldn't be as hypersensitive to her moods and my perceptions of her actions as I can still be at times.

In a perfect world I want her to come to me and tell me how happy she is now etc etc

I mentioned in a previous post that you could walk into my house at any given time in the last 4 months and you wouldn't even know we've had any problems. Its fantastic compared to after BD but it scares me at the same time.

Being insecure is a new thing for me. I know tomorrow is promised to no one, but it doesn't stop me from still wanting it. scaredsilly recently said she missed when her and her H took each other for granted, in a good way. I agree.