I don’t know much about this RetroV program but it sounds like how the group session we attended worked for us. We both agreed that the dialogues and questionnaires we did were so helpful, we discovered a lot of each other’s feeling and thought we never knew. BUT he was still not happy at the end of the 6-week session. It seems to me every time your W gets involved in some kind of a marriage program; she gets cold feet really easily.
I do have to give her credit that she has consistently said there was no chance for our marriage, she has never backed down from that. I saw some things here and there that gave me hope, but I could have been misinterpreting. The program you describe does sound very similar.
Quote:
You mentioned somewhere that you never go back to your own posts but I’m sure a lot of people here like me read all of your posts for inspiration.
I just feel like going back through the old posts will make me re-live a lot of that pain. Most of it was just journaling to get me past certain points in the sitch and move on. I'm glad it's of value to others though
Quote:
To me your wife was much more open when she was at home while witnessing your 180 changes and before RetroV. Hopefully you can give her more time alone and see where it goes..
When she was still at home it really seemed like things were going extremely well. We were getting along great. It did seem she was more open then, but as I've since learned what I THOUGHT she was feeling over the years was often completely wrong. I have RetroV to thank for that revelation, LOL!
Originally Posted By: Cadet
I think you totally dont get it.
Your wife says she wants to work on the marriage, you say you are standing, she is scared and you are dating.
Hmmm, well I don't really see myself as standing anymore. And even though W said she was willing to try (I think it was on the way home from RetroV when she said that) she has since backtracked and said she's not willing, that there's nothing there to try for. The "scared" comment, that was last night and the first time I've heard her say that. Not sure yet what she meant by it, as I said we're going to talk more this weekend.
Quote:
Do you realize that HER crisis is not a marriage issue?
It may look like a marriage issue, but it really is just HER having a crisis.
Do you think that? I'm asking in all honesty, because the way I see it she's not in a crisis at all. She's just done with me. She doesn't say it in an angry, hurtful or confused way, it's almost like she's talking about the weather.
Quote:
If she was sick with cancer would you be dating?
Ummm, what form of cancer is it that puts her in another man's bed (or makes her invite him into hers) and makes her decide she doesn't like me, that's what I want to know, LOL! Maybe that's not totally fair since to this day I don't know how far her A has gone (and I'm making no effort to find out), but it's at least an EA, and probably a PA. But I'm not dating out of revenge or anything, I do care for her and wish her the best. Heck, I even get along great with the OM. I'm doing it because I am moving on, and I thoroughly enjoy the companionship.
