One of these past evenings, my wife tore into me about my changes. She said she feels like I am trying to steal the kids from her. This was all triggered by me going into their rooms to check up on them before bed.
Use these opportunities to validate her emotions. Ask her how it makes her feel, then whatever she responds (angry, scared, worried, etc.) just reflect it back and validate- "you do sound angry, I can understand why you feel that way. I have changed and I can see why my changes would confuse you, please just bear with me until you get used to seeing these changes and please feel free to talk to me if you need reassurances."
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She also brought up the fact that I have changed my manner of dress. Months ago, she had suggested better fitting clothing for me and I just continued the suggestion. This obviously is causing her angst. She tells me she doesn't know me. That I am different. When she says that stuff, it makes me wonder if I have changed too much.
It's great that she's acknowledging your changes, but just remember that she's questioning everything you do. She's thinking A)if it's so easy for him to change then why didn't he do it a long time ago? and B)are these just tricks to try and get me back? That's why it's important to keep your changes going and give her plenty of time to see that they are real.
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I'm sticking with my changes. They are good for me, us and our kids.
