So, I don't have to have a thread title that gets me down. I'm not DISAPPOINTED, I'm LIVING. Gettin' it done. So here's my new thread and this is my whole horrible history:
I finished that last thread off with a post about my communication issues with my sister, because I think that's a clue. Since my H doesn't talk to me much anymore I'm not sure, but I think the destructive pattern we might have had lives on specifically with her.
And with most people I'm really doing pretty well, I think. So I'm working on figuring out why I react to my sister so, and maybe that will teach me why I was doing that with my H, and how not to do it with anybody.
I also woke up this morning feeling teary because in 20 years I don't seem to have made any real connection with anyone in my H's family, not just him. They don't reach out, they don't act like they care, or like they have any interest in talking to me. I can reach out to them, and I said I would, but then I wonder if I really feel like it either. And for 20 years of history together, that's kind of sad. I think I was more sad that that's all we are to each other, than sad that they haven't called me for coffee.
I did message my SIL to see if her son would like to come to my meetup group, and I'll have to go over to my other FB identity to see if she really didn't respond. Maybe she did.
I just lately seem to be yearning for things to be a little more real, a little deeper, and see that I just don't have very much of that in my life. I have a few good friends who definitely are all I could ever want and more. But a whole big chunk of my family feels like it just calved off the iceberg this past year and slipped away. And I'm not sure if I even care that much.
Adinva 51, S20, S18 M24 total 6/15/11-12/1/12 From IDLY to H moving out 9/15/15-3/7/17 From negotiating SA to final D at age 50 5/8/17-now: New relationship with an old friend __ Happiness is a warm puppy.
