I want him to be happy

[stilllookingup]

I haven't asked any family member or his friends to "help" him change his mind.

Be very careful, because they will take it upon themselves to try and "fix" things. Like I said before, I've read many stories about how some relative promised not to say a word only to turn around and tell every other relative and then the WAS. .

Thanks AS. I'll have to be extra careful. I'm fortunate enough that my in-laws love me so if the majority of his dad side family learns about what's going on with us the women of the family might say something pressuring to him. Thankfully though, because my H waited to tell him about his moving out until holidays were over no family member except his parents and mine (not here) had to know. We spent Thanksgiving and Christmas at grandparents’ house etc, and I know 100% sure they have no idea. I know because they kept asking about when we were having babies sigh..

I just want them to be there for him because that's what he needs. I didn't have the rough childhood my H had so if either one of us has to step up and show him we CAN heal big scars, it has to be me.

Actually what he needs is time and space, not just from you but from relatives and mutual friends too. I specifically told my relatives not to talk to my W about our marriage, I told them by all means talk to her about anything else but not that. The WAS does not want ANY pressure, not from the LBS, not from friends and not from relatives. Basically they want everyone to act like nothing is going on, because they already feel shame over it and anyone saying something to them just makes them feel worse and they want to lash out. And inevitably the target is the LBS.

Just remember, you can't fix him. Like 25 said, all you can do is keep the way home paved and smooth.

This is a very great advice, Thanks AS & 25. Apparently I have to often remind myself I can’t fix him even though my feelings and thoughts I pour out here shows that I still want to fix his problems. I didn’t and don’t understand why my H doesn’t reach out to his parents and talk about his feelings or vice versa, but I guess it’s a good thing then. I have a close relationship with my mom and she calls and texts me to check up on me and the status. Even though she tells me to be patient, she’s the most impatient person I’ve known and I know she wants things to go much quicker. When D bomb was dropped I took a trip back home and spent an entire week with her and man I was irritated the whole time! She just wants to do things now now now, and I realized big time this is EXACTLY what I had been doing to my H. I remember he would often mention how similar my mom and I were. All I was thinking last year was babies. I was rushed by my condition, my age, my Dr and my mom.

Now she knows that I’m taking this extra slowly but I know she’s frustrated. Just how I have to remind myself this will take time, I have to remind her every time I talk to her that it will take longer than she thinks and I’m ok with it. Thank god she’s in a different country. If she was here she might have been the one that ruins this all by rushing me and him!