I think you need to view yourself in a business deal and don't allow the emotional potential of it to hurt you. Figure that it is script, it is her need to justify what she is doing, it is her remembering things differently from you. Try to remember the point of this. The point is a business deal in which you both are able to pick up the pieces and move on with as much of your standard of living as it is possible to protect from the lawyers and divide between you.
So, what is the purpose of the statement about a good lay? If, and it sounded like this from what you presented here, she is making a case for full custody or a greater percentage of custody than what you want, then take it as that and that only. Don't let it hurt you, don't wonder why or how she came up with that? Stick to the facts. Is it true? No, you don't recall saying and would not say something like that; it would be completely out of character for you. So the next question is: Is it relevant? Is there any way that saying this undocumented, unprovable, unlikely thing about you will affect your custody? That's a question for your lawyer, and if the answer is no, then completely disregard it.
Her job, as she and her lawyer see it now, is to come up with ammunition to achieve her goals. Your job is to document, wherever you can, what kind of a dad you are, what you need and what is best for your kids. And get through this with your dignity for your kids. Don't waste your time or your lawyer's time rebutting statements that make no difference.
Look at this. You have just said you'll never be friends with her. She's crossed the line. So what's another sling or arrow? Where you sit right now, you should be able to be impervious to one more little hit. Focus on only what is legally relevant in order to protect whatever time with your kids that you are asking for.
In my state, an affair makes no difference at all. In my state, there is no judgment about who was wronged or who deserves what in terms of spousal support. You pretty much each walk away with half the stuff and child support, and if you're really lucky maybe a little pittance of spousal support to the lower wage earner. So it wouldn't matter a bit if I accused my H of sleeping with someone before, during, or after, or said so in front of my kids. It would make him mad, but legally would mean nothing. Check with your lawyer and form a shell around yourself to bounce off what is a desperate and ultimately probably irrelevant pitch to increase her take-away.
Hang in there. Everyone says this part is hard and ugly, and there's good to come on the other side. Try to let go of the how did this happen and the how could she say that, and get through the moment by doing the smart thing in each case - not getting waylaid by emotional static.
Adinva 51, S20, S18 M24 total 6/15/11-12/1/12 From IDLY to H moving out 9/15/15-3/7/17 From negotiating SA to final D at age 50 5/8/17-now: New relationship with an old friend __ Happiness is a warm puppy.
