Everyday it seems to get worse. Litigation [censored]. BS accusations. Custody fight. Going to court. Lawyers are loving it. Just don't get the hate. Unfortunately I have no choice but to fight back. Splitting up is one thing but the nastiness and lies and money being thrown away. Kids in the middle. We will never even be friends now. I still for the life of me don't know what I did so wrong. Yes, I take my side for the dysfunction but this is a level of hate that just does not fit. I get this letter from her L today that accuses me of accusing her of still having another man. It says that I said "hope he was a good lay" in front of my 10 year old. Wtf? Not a chance did I say that or even say anything let alone in front of my child. That is sick. Is this a tactic, or did she dream it or just fabrication????
Want some good news ? Or bad news ?
Well, they are both pretty much the same.
You are going to hear things that make the hair on the back of your neck stand up, and you are going to have some SEVERE anger if you buy into those things.
The trick in the process, is to know yourself well enough to know the difference between what is true, and what isn't true.
Keep in mind, that the things that you hear, even if they aren't true, are true to your spouse. Those things happened in her eyes (or pretty close to it).
It is an eye opener to see how differently events were viewed, and it shows the lack of clear communication that was present throughout the marriage.
You want to make sure that you document EVERYTHING. Keep a calender of times with the kids, a journal of things that happen. If it isn't documented, as far as the courts are concerned...it didn't happen.
What you are going to see, is the anger in which she needs, in order to follow through with her plans....
It doesn't make it right, it just makes it what it is.
One of the ways in which I viewed LBS anger, was that it was like the Space Shuttle.
Those two big booster tanks that are full of fuel, are like her anger. They were used only until the Shuttle was able to get to it's cruising altitude, and then the tanks were discarded. Her anger is much the same way. She is going to burn every ounce of anger, to fuel her push away from you. Nothing is off limits to her. And once she gets to where she wants to be, you will see her anger taper off.
The trick is, to NOT be like her. Be the person that lives his truth, and does what is right, regardless the false accusations and anger that are thrown your way.
Every thing that happens, will be public record, and I knew that my children could eventually go and look at what transpired, if they chose to do so one day. And I pictured how I wanted them to view me if they did.
I kept three words in the back of my mind throughout the process. I wanted to handle myself with Dignity, Honor, and Grace.
That is YOUR choice through this....
Make sense ?
Originally Posted By: Floyd
Honestly, how does one turn this ship around...and quickly? What is wrong with her? I know it is not their business by why would a friend or family member not say anything?
Oh he that lacks faith....
Your anger is letting the sun go down, on your faith.
Use this, as your fuel....
Quickly ? As in YOUR time?
Or HER time ????
Your time, means that you really haven't changed...
Her time, is showing that your actions match your words...
What would YOU want if the roles were reversed ????
Originally Posted By: Floyd
She would always write special notes in her greeting cards to me, always something different and seemingly from the heart. On my B-day and Christmas 2010 she writes how happy she is and she is proud of me and loves our family so much and what a great husband and dad I am. Weeks later she has an affair. Wtf is the truth anymore?
Most of the time, and LBS will draw closer right before the bomb. They do that to re-enforce what SHOULD be, and try to convince them self of what SHOULD happen. That is part of their MO, when they say that they tried every thing.
What is happening, may be new to you, but these thoughts have been bouncing around for quite some time in her head.
Remember, that there is always three sides to every story.
Your side
Her side
And some where in the middle, is where the truth meets...
