I am much better now compared to the first 2 months after BD. At that time I was a train wreck. Always anxious, mind spinning, frantically searching the internet for answers, over analyzing, unable to sleep, significant weight loss (I wasn't even overweight), unable to function at work.
Now much better with time and having learned much about myself and our relationship.
The S has been mixed emotions. The biggie, of course, is 50% time without the kids. That is tough when they are not with me. My positive feelings are compassion, graditude, happiness, relieved, more at ease with our sitch, feel good about myself.
My negative feelings are unsettled, unsure, bummed, sad, and at times I admit I have resentment and anger. I let those feelings roll through but don't let them consume me. I have a friend who I vent those feelings with.
The sitch is still usually in my mind, but not all consuming like it was.
Mostly feel good because I really do believe I am doing things for myself, not to save the M. No matter what happens, I am lucky and will have a good life.
On a side note, my W keeps contacting me more and more it seems on our off days. I'm not getting too caught up in that but noting that as perhaps positive signs, maybe baby steps. Yesterday she stopped by the house while I was not there and made dinner and desert so it was there waiting for me when I got home from work.
