You guys crack me up with your comments about the cleavage. I can write lol and have it be true :-)
GTO, yes, it's been a long journey. Actually, it's been a 3 year journey, bc my H first brought up that he was thinking about a D in February of 2010. End of 2010- mid 2011 was the A, and early 2012 is when he moved out. And here we are. Thank you for your encouragement about the book. I'm actually feeling excited about being able to help other people who will go through this. The 2010 Tori was a very different person from 2013 Tori. I'm meeting him tomorrow for lunch. I do think he'll realize he made a mistake in the future, but who knows when that will be. And yes, it might be too late by then.
FY, We've had some of those moments in which he looks into my eyes for a while, and I wonder what he's thinking. It has happened a lot, and it used to happen even more right before he moved out. I'm sure he's still conflicted, but his vision of a better future w someone else (free of "baggage") is too enticing to pass. Plus I think he feels that it took him so long to make the decision that nothing should stop him now. Mind reading, but I'm pretty sure I'm right.
I just finished my meeting with the L. Some of the standard D stuff will send my H's blood pressure through the roof. I tried to get rid of some of the clauses, but the L advised against it. I have a feeling there'll be a lot of going back and forth with this doc. I also think the L expenses are going to be a lot higher than expected. Ugh.
Thank you for helping me start the day with a smile :-)
Tori, thinking about you today and hoping that you find peace in the midst of all that is going on right now in your sitch. i was thinking about a book too and told busting that i would entitle it "the picnic sisters." LOL.
Me(f): 51 W: 41 DP:8 M:3 T:10 "W not happy" 7/11 D final: 8/13
I just finished lunch with my H. I'm glad it's over. I was nervous about it last night, didn't feel like going this AM, and now that it's over, I don't feel good.
In the past, when we met, I had hope within me, and I saw every interaction in a positive light. Now, it was just sad. He didn't look so good--kind of disheveled. I did most of the talking. I was cheerful, and told him the fun stories from my trip. When I asked about him and his activities, he said he had been playing sports, then added that he probably should not share anything about his dating. I said that I didn't need to hear about that, then added that I assumed he didn't want to hear about my dating either. He quickly said no. I said I wanted to open my heart to someone new. "You should," he said. Then I said you couldn't really force those things, and had to wait till you were ready. He said I was definitely right about that.
I don't know. The whole feeling of the time we spent together was bad. He checked out the waitress, asked me to give him back his keys (I had kept a copy) and asked if I had extra dishes to give him. He asked about the L. I told him I would send him the agreement as soon as it was ready.
I said we shouldn't let the money talk interfere with our R. He agreed, and said we would find a way to work it out. Added that he changed his tax filing status as single. Now that I'm writing about this I realize why I was left w a bad feeling. It's bc all the things he said. When I dropped him off at work, I just wanted to cry. Not a good feeling.
I'm sorry, Tori, that you're not feeling good. It may help you detach from H in the longer term though. It sounds as if you handled yourself brilliantly.
How did you find out about the STD testing?
Big hugs, Tori. (((((( ))))))
Me: 51 H: 52 T: 23 yrs M: 19 yrs S18, D16, S14 (special needs) PA: 2003/2004 Piecing: 2004 on Suspect H had EA: 8/2012-12/2012
Thank you Wendylon. I feel so detached now. Sometimes I feel a larger power guides me to find this stuff. I saw it bc I was looking for my health plan details and clicked on my H's file by mistake (I'm using my phone so it's harder to type. I'm disgusted. I don't want to have anything to do w him.
I am sorry you found out about this. I am here for you xxx And you know what? You did handle yourself brilliantly. He is such.a.FOOL.
Love you xxx
TPS Me: 44 H: 42 M14 T17 S10 D7 10/10 H moves out after death of his father-same month 21/04/12 H is 'DONE' 04/05/12 OW/PA confirmed (rumors from 2010) July '14 H ends affair May '15 H moves back home
Tori, I think you can be glad - you have found clarity now. You have been loyal to H for a long time, you fought for the M and accepted a lot of pain. Now it's clearer than ever that he doesn't recognize what he is losing. Let him go.
Sorry your lunch left you feeling badly. But, now it's over. Maybe it will help you with some closure and help you to move on a little more easily. IDK.
Sorry you stumbled on the test your H had, but maybe that was intended for you to find (not by H). As awful as that may have felt for you, it may also help you to distance from him.
TIme for you. You ARE a woman only a FOOL would leave! SO, I guess that makes your H.....
I love the idea that you are thinking about taking the wealth of knowledge you've learned on your journey to help others who are struggling along similar paths!
Take care of you.
M- 18 T-21 S-14,11 & 10 BD 6-18-2012 (OW-EA) H moved out 11-3-2012 10-5-13 Me- I want a divorce. I want to move on w my life. 11-25-13 Jointly filed.
Just got home from work. I'm so glad to have you, guys. Thank you, Busting, longrun and GTO.
I'm definitely letting him go--for good. This killed whatever was left of hope/wishes to reconcile in the future. He's obviously lost, and he's seeking a self-esteem boost through sex with who knows who. The test was performed in early December, around the time he started calling me/texting me/ seeing me again, so I'm guessing he approached me bc he had just ended an affair with another woman. SO GROSS. All I feel is disgust. So yes, this was definitely meant for me to see.
This type of "coincidence" happened in the past. I'd asked God for a sign to know what to do (when he had moved back in after the A) and a couple of days later the OW emailed me w proof he had stayed in touch with her. A higher power is definitely guiding me. I'm not rejecting this guidance anymore. I'm out. And I don't know how, but I'll figure out a way to negotiate the alimony and all that stuff w/o spending a lot of time w him. Maybe we can do it over the phone? My L said it would be best if we agreed on something on our own (he charges $385/hr.)
What a day.
I want to go to the house (where he left all my letters, cards, and love presents to him, and my pictures) and taking all that stuff with me. Is that wrong? I don't think he deserves to keep any of that stuff. I don't want some random women to be going through the stuff I wrote for him with a kind of love he will never find again.
AND, I will continue praying for him, bc he's definitely a lost guy...but I'm taking control of my own life.
