Hey AS, Thank you too for the effort and thought you've put in to helping me through this.

Re the car:
"Are you sure there really is an injustice here? Is the car paid for? If not, could you even afford the payments and insurance, or is that why H has it? And OW didn't take the car, H did. You're entitled to 50% of the marital property,.."

It's so complicated as to need a forensic accountant to decipher what's going on. And given that stbx has gone through all of my money/assets as well as that of our kids and my parents, i doubt that he would be 'entitled' to 50% of anything. And that's the issue. For me it boils down to : he walked and left his wife and kids without a car while taking the family car to buoy his ego/image.

For the record, I did not try to remove OW from the car. I told her to get out of my car and that she had no right to be driving around in it. I was pretty much of the mind that if this is illegal, I'll wear that.

There are some things that just need to be said.
I've said it now and it's done.

Your question about my overall goal is spot on. It was not to save my M that i did what I did. It was to survive with some sense of peace and justice, I suppose.

I think I am at the point of not wanting to save this M any more. It's hopeless, I think, and I don't really want to be married to him. I wanted to save our family with him as father to the kids, but not now, I don't think. We can get on without him. It's shocking for the kids, but he is unsalvageable, it seems.

I get what you're saying about not being detached. Just to me, it seems that I have worked so much on detaching from stbx that i forgot to look at doing same in relation to OW. I know I have to work on that too. It'll take a bit of time...

I can understand how you might be able to deal with an OM in the way that you describe. I feel like it's not possible in my sitch because she was a family 'friend' for years and betrayed and deceived me and the kids and did such rotten things to us in cold and calculated ways.
I hope to detach enough not to care in the long run, but I will never forget what sort of person she is.