Thanks for looking in on me with support and advice.
You're probably right: "I feel that you are stuck and honestly are not even listening to the advice you are given."
I understand that people think I should just let a lawyer handle the finance side, but it really is tricky. I simply don't have money to pay a retainer, nor the monthly fees.
I've just had a new will made and now have to pay for that, and because the tax dept is after me have had to employ an accountant....I just don't now how to pay for more advice at the moment. I know I will have to, but I've already spent thousands on lawyers....The advice has been to let stbx knock himself out via mediation in the hope that he realises that he needs to provide docs. Otherwise it will cost a bomb to get the docs tabled thru court processes.
If I had the funds, I'd be in court in a heartbeat. I don't qualify for legal aid as I earn too much. It's just that I have such monumental debts and bills to pay as well...
Actually, I can't even afford to attend mediation - the mediator took pity on me because of my circumstances and got special, head-office approval to waive my fees - otherwise i simply couldn't have afforded even the small amount that this costs. Sorry to go on, but it really is difficult.
The car sitch is complicated too and would require documentation and forensic accounting even to ascertain who actually owed or paid for it. Stbx has created a nightmare of financial abuse in an extremely long-standing and complicated manner. It will take a lot of unfolding.
But, please believe that i do not expect stbx to do the right thing any more. He is not in a place to do that.
I am doing things to fix what I can for me and the kids - with lawyers and accountants, so please bear with me - I have to go slow and make use of whatever methods I can when there is simply no money to be had to pay for alternatives. Lawyers just won't take me pro bono.
I agree with you and bug about the anger. I need to lose it. I understand.
It's going to be hard, but i have to keep working on it. Sometimes blind rage just seems to erupt. I'd been working on not letting my emotions control me with stbx - by rehearsing potential types of interaction with him and visualising myself calm and in control. It's been working well.
But i never thought I'd be seeing OW getting in my driver's seat and driving our car around (silly, I know) and have to explain it to the kids. Just wasn't prepared. And I blew up at her. And I just really want to clock her... I have to let that go.
Thanks for caring - your words have really helped me through a tough time.
