Good night, Thank you, thank you very much. I wanted to ponder a bit about the different responses, as usual, lots of food for thought, but I have to give you some background info.
The hearing for custody/access of our S has been postponed from 25th Jan to 15th Feb (20 days later) ath their request. Trying to gain time to reinforce the poor visit pattern? trying to gain time to say : husband has not given any money in the mean time?... It doesn't really matter the reason, I just want to say that the proceedings are on, and that very soon hopefully, I'll get to see more of S, if not 50%.
Yes I have changed S diaper, and I feed him now that he's alone with me, I read him stories, we go to Wal-Mart together, we go to the mall, we go to McDonald's playplace, and I go down the slide with him. He's my S, my friend and my only family here. Soon, we won't be so separated anymore.
Also, the big change in me, I think, is that I do listen to people. I do not interrupt them, or keep talking on and on. I do ask questions to people, look them in the eye and show interest. I am learning to be sympathetic, which I wasn't so much before.
I agree that there was big fault in me before, and I am truly sorry I was an idiot, but I meant, now, I have corrected most of the reproaches W voiced. Namely the selfishness, the spending money extravangtly, and the family mindedness. Of course, it is impossible to demonstrate while separated, and while I'm dying to show W that I have changed, I understand it may never happen.
And to answer, no I haven't told W about the things I have realized, because it would be pursuing, showing off, trying to convince her back, etc... which we don't want. I keep this eye opening for me, especially as I don't see her at all...
About the finances, anyone who knows me a little knows I'm open about it, and generous (and I still think some day I will send some of you a cheque), and there was no way I could have hid finances from my own W. I mean impossible.
Speaking of which finances, I want to buy a house here, and I spoke with my lawyer. He told me that even though she hasn't shown interest, her lawyer could convince her later if she decides to D, to claim half of the money received from the selling of our property in France. Therefore the best was to not move until D was pronounced, to not give her ideas (oh he's buying a house with OUR money), or take advantage of the hearing on the 15th to agree to D, and not be worried about finances anymore. My idea, and that's where I need advice , is to call W, (or write an email since she doesn't answer calls from me), and tell her straight : I want to buy a house, but should you decide to D later on, are you intent on asking half of the money? (she knows, and I know, that I made the downpayment, and every payment of the mortgage, I bought the appliances, paid the renovations, etc...). Having put no penny in the house, it would kind of profiteer from her to claim half of the money now. What do you guys think? Wise and honest move? Not tell her a thing (to not give her ideas) and go ahead buy the house?
One last thing, I may have suffered from unbelief and shock for a little too long, but I get it now that I might just become a statistic, a cliche of the negligent guy left by his W, and that W might not come back, ever. And that growth is the precious thing, the only positive thing I can get out of this situation.
I made a couple of friends at work. I do go to the gym, and play curling on Saturdays, and hopefully have more time with S. I am starting to build myself up again. Slower than it could have been, but I'm getting there. Do not lose hope in me.
Bruce P.S. When W was there at every visit, it eventually led to a relaxed form of relationship, and at some point W started sending soft "confused" messages (those who know the thread know..), therefore I had the feeling it was the way to go. The sitch has completely changed now, as I don't see W at all, communication is only short emails, regarding nothing else but S (almost impolite to not ask how she's doing... like I don't care), so the dynamic is completely different now.
