Wow, not sure how I left that impression but it was indeed a HUGE challenge!! I've been through the worst and lowest points of my life since BD. Horrible depression, extreme anxiety, no sleep for days on end, unable to function at work and home, etc. etc. It's been awful. I started out DB'ing specifically to save my M, but somewhere along the line it became more about saving myself than my M. And it has, I'm now stronger, more confident and happier than I've been in many years. I still hope to reconcile, but I've reached the point of knowing that my happiness and fulfillment in life is not dependent on W returning.
I have continued reading your posts because you seem to have learned how to effectively navigate your way through this awful mess. I have started to see where you had trouble dealing with all the stress that was placed upon you.
I too had nights where I couldn't sleep at all. I would lie awake all night long and not sleep one wink. I found that after I moved to the guest bedroom at my wife's request, I slept better. Sometimes I still have to take something to help me drop off, but I am much better. I remember having a total panic attack when I started feeling that something not quite right was going on between her and the OM. I haven't had episodes like that for months now.
