The last couple of days have been interesting. I went skiing with my friend Jeff and had a GREAT time! It was SO good to get involved with something that requires intense concentration. I found myself thinking less and less about the situation I have been dealing with. And having a good friend there made it that much better. This is one of my 180's. Get out and DO stuff with friends. I am new to alpine skiing and it has been a lot of fun trying something new. It's something I can do with our girls and it's also something my wife is interested in as well, so it can be a great family activity if we make it through this storm intact.
During our outing, somehow Jeff ended up mentioning that a while ago he and his wife had endured a very difficult time. Long story short, his wife was having an affair and they managed to pull through it. He was telling me stuff that he learned as he was going through his trials. It sounded to me like he had been getting guidance from DivorceBusting. ALL the stuff he said was stuff you veterans have been telling me. It was nice to hear from someone who had been there and survived. Jeff DOES NOT know my wife or live anywhere near us, so no fear of boomerang effect.
My wife DID end up hearing back from someone I had talked to and I DID catch the boomerang in the face on that one yesterday. If there are any Newbies here, DO NOT TALK TO ANYONE WHO IS EVEN REMOTELY CONNECTED TO YOUR SPOUSE ABOUT ANY OF YOUR DIFFICULTIES! IT WILL BITE YOU!
I also had been sensing that my wife was starting to try to compete with me in things that she was doing with our girls. She hit me yesterday that she felt that I was doing stuff that I never did before with our kids and she interpreted it as an attempt to win the kids over to me. It really saddens me to hear her talking to me as if I am her adversary. I am trying to figure out ways to do things with our children that will not cause my wife to feel threatened.
AS, thank you for the tip on detachment. It has helped me immensely. That definition really does a great job of helping me understand just what is required of me during this crisis. It has helped me really get my head around how to handle the vicious attacks that my wife hurls at me when she's expressing her anger.
I am still wearing my ring. I have decided that I will use it as a reminder of the promise I made years ago. I will take it off only if my wife decides she is absolutely done and the courts declare it so. So far, that hasn't happened. Thanks, LB!
I am finding that no matter what the subject, I have to be VERY careful in how I word things that I say, or my wife will interpret my words to be an attack on her and then she starts in on me. I sometimes get to the point where I just don't say much of anything, because I will come under attack.
I just called it a night because my wife was chewing on me again. We were going to watch some tv together (her invitation). I had said something earlier about not having any problems out of our eldest daughter for a week while she was gone. She interpreted that as me saying that the problems we have out of our daughter don't happen when I'm in charge, and the verbal assault began. I attempted to explain that that was not what I meant by what I had said, but to no avail. No matter what I said, she would re-engage on me. I finally said I was just going to call it a night and I left. Trying to remember that this is a test. Don't know if I passed or failed. Definitely didn't come across as happy and content, but I didn't blow my top either. Time will tell.
