I have to go back to work after lunch with my H, but I don't think it'll be a taxing time. After all, I'm seeing him to give him a nice b-day present and cookies I baked for him. How much nicer can I be? So he'll be glad to see me. If he asks about the L or D papers, I'll tell him we should talk about that some other day. I want to talk to my coach before I discuss any of this with him.
I dread seeing him bc I feel so hurt. Even after kickboxing, I still have some leftover anger, and that general feeling of sadness and emptiness that comes with being abandoned by your H. But I'll have to get over it. He started sending the freedraw drawings again--no comments attached to the drawings this time. This gives our R a sense of "normalcy" within the new normal.
I will be authentic, though, and not fake that I'm super happy. I'll be clear that this is a hard time but I'm making the best out of the situation and continue learning. I will be calm and positive, and will listen. And will wish him a very happy b-day. I wonder what he'll be doing and with whom. Last year we spent the day together, even though he had moved out. It was nice. The year before we spent it together too, even though he had also moved out and had just started having sex with the OW--double ugh. So I guess this yr is a little better than 2 yrs ago.
Listening to Wayne's CD's really helps. If Wayne went through the same and ended up being such a spiritual master, I can end up in a better place too. I'm seriously thinking about writing a book to guide people who are going through this. I think there's a market for it, and I've learned so much.
