Ok so I have been detaching all week, going to bed before H gets home from work, or watching my shows and ignoring him when he comes home except for a brief friendly look to acknowledge him coming home (so he doesn't think I am moping or being pissy). For the most part he just comes home from work, makes himself his drinks then goes into the garage to drink & watch tv so it was like this most of last week.
Saturday I had errands in the morning and then went to a birthday party with good friends with the kids so we only saw each other briefly. Kids & I had a great time, I left the party thinking how lucky I am to have such great friends, I felt happy.
Sunday I had told H I was planning an afternoon with my girl friend so could he take the kids to the Super Bowl party, he said sure. That morning when I came downstairs after getting ready he actually looked me in the eye when we talked about plans for the day, arranging kid pick ups, etc. First time all week. I think he was a little surprised to see me dressed up and may have been wondering where I was going. He didn't ask, I didn't offer. Thought it was better to keep him guessing. He texted me that evening with the address to pick up the kids which I was thankful for, I was worried about how much he'd drink and the party and then was worried about him driving home with the kids. H didn't come home from the party till late, not sure when I went to bed before he was home. I texted him to make sure he was coming home so I would know if I had to set the alarm to take the puppy out at 3am. He responded yeah. I hate that this puppy is causing so much contact with him, I would have rather just gone to bed without texting him...
Monday I took my D6 to school and H was sleeping late, assumed he had a hangover. Went upstairs to play board games in my room with my S4 so I wouldn't have to face him when he got up. H came up & knocked on door to tell me he was going to get his truck serviced, and what was "our" plans for today. I said just taking S4 to preschool later. He said he could pick him up if I wanted. I said ok. That afternoon after I picked up my D6 and we met back at the house after he got my S4 he was all smiles and offered to fix a cord the dog had chewed up in my car. I told him he would have the kids that evening as my friend had just told me she was in labor & I offered to come visit & bring her daughter to her. When I got home H was upstairs with kids, I started watching my shows. He came down to the kitchen & started telling me about the chicken he had BBQ'ed and he had tried a new recipe etc.
So does it appear as if detaching is working or am I reading into things?? I am really trying to make this detachment more about me and getting me healthy... it is just such a switch from being concerned with what he is feeling, or doing etc. I hope it gets easier, my friends are commenting on how great I look and how I appear much more calm but it still feels foreign to me. It's so hard not knowing if this is actually doing any good and I hate not having any control over that. What really just cuts me to the heart is the fact that I keep thinking about how nice a hug would be and then feeling sorry for myself knowing I may never get a hug again from him (as a husband hugs his wife) although I am wanting to kick myself for still having those feelings!! I know it doesn't help anything! Uugh, only thing to do is snuggle my kids and pray.
