The ups and downs of DBing

[Wendylon]

Thank you very much for all the feedback.

I have to say that we've had loads of counselling and neither of us is keen on more. Inevitably, H starts to think that the therapist is taking my side and it's downhill from there. It's really not worth it to me. Believe it or not, H is a therapist and did practice for quite a few years. We personally know lots of therapists/counsellors and it's somewhat disillusioning in that their personal lives can be a mess.

As for individual counselling, I've also had loads over the years. The best for me at this point is DB coaches and this board. I've gone to lots of Al-Anon meeting too but I don't find that the ratio of time and effort to learning is great for meetings around me. There isn't that much recovery and a few people from other fellowships who go to several meeting daily can take up a lot of the time.

I probably sound very negative but at the moment, I just want the DB forum and coaching. I haven't spoken to Laurie in a few months and I think I have 2 sessions left so I will definitely book something at some point.

The last few days have been better. I've let go of feeling that H is malingering and taken him at his word that he isn't well. He's even said that he is feeling well looked-after. He's booked a Valentine's outing for us.

My car died the other day (timing-belt broke) and that has been a pain. H has been pretty helpful. H is often asking me for news about my extended family. I think that is one of the ways he tries to make contact.

Tallulah and Ruby, thank you very much for helping me see things from his perspective more. That was really helpful. Yes, Ruby, he does end up trying to be friendlier later when he's been angry.

I'm feeling a bit annoyed and distracted right now because it's supper time and no sign of him...

Thank you, all of you, for staying on my case.